And then Jesus told me not to drink…

Oh hey fellow Prius Drivers! How was your morning commute in the f’n snow? Utah always does this. Sunny, nice, capri’s, flip flops and then BLAM-O more snow than in January and February combined. Luckily our vehicle of choice handles pretty well in the snow (especially when it’s not getting plowed into by snow removal vehicles, right, Bianca?).

I made it to work safely in the Prius, but since Algebra took the day off (to be on the radio – again – hard, hard life being a ‘rock star’), he drove me and I was super grateful. Not because the Prius can’t handle the snow, but because my anxiety can’t handle the snow. I had a midterm last night, the first one since sophomore year of college and ever since then, my nerves have been shot.

So. Weekend recap? I’d love to give you one, but I can’t remember much of anything from about 8:30pm on Friday to 8:30 am on Sunday, but here’s what I can remember:

3:00 pm Friday: Took a half day of work and met Algebra and his cousin Stephen (name idea?) at Piper Down for a little mid day drinky-poo (drink of choice, Jack on the rocks baby, started Friday off right).

5:30 pm Friday: Went on a quest with the roomie to find my new fave WHIPPED CREAM VODKA. Quest successful (third liquor store).

{Intermission to shower and get ready for the night}

7:00 pm Friday:  Doorbell starts ringing with all the surprise guests for Algebra’s big 2-9 celebration. Start drinking copious amounts from shot glasses and blue & green polka dot cups (they were the manliest I could find, okay?)

8:00 pm Friday: Surprise limo shows up (GIANT, who knew they made limo’s so big?), pile into limo with the gang (approximately 15 people and 30 bottles of booze).

8:02 pm Friday: More drinking, this time, from the bottle.

8:45 pm Friday: Bianca, Bailey and I start singing sorority songs (all the naughty ones) and taking pulls from various bottles.

9:00 pm Friday: Where are we? Did we make it to Wendover? Zzzzzzz…..

{Intermission for blackness}

4:00 am Saturday: Shower (very necessary after vomiting out of a limo window for upwards of 2 hours.

5:00 am Saturday:  Sleep.

12:30 pm Saturday: Wake for a waxing appointment.

1:30 pm Saturday: Back to sleep.

11:00 pm Saturday: Algebra wakes me up to see if I want to go to his show. YA RIGHT. Back to sleep.

8:00 am Sunday: Where did my weekend go and why does my freaking head still freaking hurt?

Yep. That about sums it up. So hopefully you gals can tell me how much fun you had in Wendover, my snooze in the limo while all the gambling was being had was pretty cozy, I’m not going to lie.

What will you do for beads today?

Sidenote: HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!! What are you girls giving up for lent? Algebra and I are giving up drinking booze. We’ve yet to decide if it’s all alcohol or just liquor (i.e. beer and wine might still be okay.) If you have any questions as to why we made that decision: see above.

 

Me no likey boozy,
Bridget

Sent from my iPad

Warning: Too Much Information

Hi Bianca and Bailey!

How are you lovely ladies?! I MISS YOU, BAILEY! And I’m so glad we could meet up for lunch yesterday, Bianca! I’m so stoked for Algebra’s surprise birthday party this weekend! Since you gals are coming, it feels like a party for me.. Sh… don’t tell Algebra (about the party or about me stealing his party thunder and totally enjoying it).

So. I had to take yesterday off (TMI, you’ve been warned) because I have a super painful UTI. It’s horrible. I haven’t had one of these since I was like 10. What the heck?! Where did it come from and why is it showing up now? (My yogi friend is sure it is because I’m stressed, so I’m going to take a moment right now and apologize to my bladder for being super stressed out and not taking adequate bathroom breaks. But ,bladder, I’m (we’re?) a teacher, a bathroom break is a luxury we don’t have.)

Being the kind and wonderful(?) coworker I am, I warned my colleague that I was sick and would have a sub. The dialogue went this way:

Me: Hi! Just FYI I got started getting sick after afternoon recess, got sicker, went to the doctor, am on super strong antibiotics, left sub plans and will have a sub tomorrow.

Her: Oh you first year teachers get sick all the time. I’m sure you’ll be feeling better soon.

Me: (I AM A THIRD YEAR TEACHER, JERK!) Ha. I didn’t know that being a first year teacher caused UTI’s.

Her: Well it sounds like you’re not contagious, so enjoy your day off.

Me: {BRAIN EXPLOSION!}

Am I just being ubber sensitive because I’m stressed out or is she being a jerk? Blah. I think it’s super inconsiderate and mean. Sure, I’m not contagious, but I also couldn’t stand and had to pee every three minutes. RUDE.

Anyway. To make the day better, I have parent teacher conferences today and tomorrow! WA freaking HOO!!!!!!!!

Luckily, my yogi friend suggested some beverages to get me through the day and I think they’re working. I’m actually in a great mood and ready to be here for another 1,345 hours.

Sipping coconut water and Kombucha (I don’t know what it is either),

Bridget

P.S. In case that wasn’t enough information for you – – – the antibiotics turn my pee bright orange. Annnnnd I’m finished.

You searched: Prius Envy. Did you mean…

Hello Ladies!

It sure is nice to hear my voice again, isn’t it? I have been so all-over-the-place-lately I haven’t had time to sit down and write you an e-mail in over two weeks. I have, of course, seen you both since then but haven’t had a chance to catch up at all. Which is why I’m very much looking forward to wine and the arts with you tonight.

I’ve really missed blogging lately, too. I have no idea what our fellow bloggers are up to. Like if Lucky has seen Ralphie lately, or if Gizzy is digging her new digs, or if Gina knows the sex of the baby, or if X has pissed off any librarians, or how Rod is doing filling Al’s soggy shoes… I’m looking forward to not working at all today and using my impossibly slow internet to catch up.

I have noticed, however, that our blog has been getting a lot of strange attention lately. Not by bloggers, but by google searchers. Thanks to an e-mail of mine crediting Liam Neeson with being fabulously well endowed, and an e-mail of Bridget’s trying to decode Spanish, we have hundreds of hits from terms like, “Well endowed celebrities”  and “Como se dice ass hole in Espanol” (It’s fundio in case you wanted to know, it seems like a lot of people do.)

I picture someone searching for a picture of Liam Neeson’s infamous package, seeing a site called Prius Envy thinking it sounds extra promising, then seeing our pink cartooned girly site with no gratuitous pictures whatsoever. Penis puns can be so misleading.

I understand getting hits like that, I would assume 75% of internet usage is for porn. But some search terms that bring traffic to our site just blow my mind. These are some popular searches:

Envy sex feet
Cheeseburger couch
Broke my leg again
sooo u shuld git it
do girls like prius?
sevgililer günü hediyesi
Pee girls
Go pee run sexy baby girl
Horrible Crashes
Eric Bana well hung
Bridget finished with grad school ha
Sushi Birth Control
فالنتاين
Well endowed teacher
Well endowed boyfriend
Beach mean girl mind games

It sounds like tracks on an R. Kelly record.

Now, I get how if one searched “do girls like prius?” it would show our site as a possible match (the answer is yes). But let’s talk about some of the other ones here, “sooo u shuld git it”. To what post did this match? What day could we have possibly misspelled so badly to match that search to our site?

Also, I don’t remember blogging about فالنتاين lately.

What stands out to me the most is the amount of hits we get from people looking for sex. Do we really talk about it that much? I think it’s time to change the content of our daily e-mails. I feel like a pervert knowing that “pee girls” links to our site.

I don’t know if Eric Bana or Ryan Reynolds are well hung or if sushi is an effective form of birth control, and feel bad that we’re letting all of these inquiring minds down. I would feel better if people were linking to our site after searching things like, “how to deal with dysfunctional friends and family” or “Type A personality + packing a suitcase” or “how to pull of taking a fake sick day”.

With a little luck, maybe in the future we’ll be able to help these searchers find what they’re looking for. In the mean time, here is a gratuitous picture of a shirtless Ryan Reynolds.

Well + Hung + Dirty + Prius + Boo Boo + Git it,
-Bianca

Lethargic Excitement {sniffle, cough, cough}

Why hello there my dear Prius pals,

Happy day one of the work week, Bianca! And happy day two to you, Bailey!

This weekend was pretty awesome. Well, it had it’s ups and downs.

I worked a short day on Friday (free from kids to finalize grades), but quickly started feeling sick. Two of my students puked in my classroom last week and winded up having strep. Gross. As a precautionary measure I went to an instacare to get a strep test, luckily I didn’t have it, but since it wasn’t anything serious, they treated me like a tard for coming in (but had I not have gone in and had strep, I for sure would have been yelled at for not going in until it was super awful. Blah!).

Since Algebra had his big show this weekend (more on that later) I was doing anything to feel better for Saturday night. I took a variety of cold meds, herbs, teas and probably narrowly avoided a few deadly combos. I stayed in on Friday night (okay, so I went and got a pedicure, but that’s relaxing so it doesn’t count) and slept most of Saturday (yes, I was sleeping when I got my new eyelash extensions so that doesn’t count either).

The roomie had to do school work Saturday night before the show and Algebra had to do a sound check, so I was left alone with Wiener. Bad things happen when I’m left to come up with my own ways to entertain myself. I’m an only child. I’m creative. So! I taught Wiener to do a trick. Oh yes, I was THAT bored. You’ll both be happy to know little Wiener can successfully sit, lay down AND roll over {patting myself on the back}.

Since I was still feeling like sh*t, I missed out on Algebra’s pre-party for the concert and stayed in my sweats until I absolutely had to throw on my dress, over the knee socks and heels (I went a little overboard with my outfit to compensate for feeling yucky). I made it to the venue just in time to wish the boyfriend good luck and see them go up on stage. The night was kind of hazy because of my concoction of cold remedies, but guess what?! Algebra’s band, King Niko, won the City Weekly Music Awards: Band of the Year! SO! AWESOME! Can you believe it?! I mean, I know we think they’re awesome, but now everyone else does, too! Yay, King Niko!

Bailey, no worries that you couldn’t make it to the venue to celebrate with us, but I am excited to hear about your cowboy bar experience! Please, tell me there are pictures.

Bianca, thank you so much for rushing down with Preston! You made it just in time to see them announced as Band of the Year! Since I feared for my liver because of all the acetaminophen, I was DD and glad I could help you out since there were no remaining cabs in the City of Salt. I can’t wait for you to share your Bikini Pink Prius Cab idea and Frost Bite Rage with Bailey.

{Cough, sneeze}
Wondering when my cold will end and how to disinfect my students,
Bridget

A Little Prius AND Vodka Update

Bianca & Bridget,

How are you both? I have had a very productive morning, you both would be proud.  Gym, g-store and filed my taxes before noon! I was a little disappointed I didn’t get my hybrid tax return for my new purchase. I mean I never really paid attention to how those refunds work (and to be honest never thought I would be eligible), but dude, people get thousands of dollars back!  I think the refund “phased out” a few years ago, but were either of you so lucky to get this money back?

Nonetheless, after borrowing my mom’s Suburban and spending $50+ on one tank of gas, I’m high on Prius right now.

Although I was a little disappointed I couldn’t fund my summer Euro trip via tax return I did hear that Prius’ are still going strong, ranked 4th greenest car. 1-3 are definitely not as cute if that means anything, which it does in my mind. So… PRIUS IS STILL NUMERO UNO!

I also read that a Prius with over 200,000 miles and older than 10 years was tested and kicked major ass. When I was car shopping with my dad, he didn’t think the car would make it up to ski resorts and that I would have to replace the battery constantly. Well not only was Dad wrong, but if I do decide to purchase the Prius after my lease is up, I’ll be in good hands for at least 10 years.  

On a totally non-Prius related note, and the two DO NOT go hand in hand (don’t drink and drive, kids), I discovered Sky Vodka’s new “infused” line. Not to be confused with that gross, sugary flavored Pinnacle brand. So far I have only tried ginger because I can’t get away from it. It is seriously crisp and delicious. Add club soda + lime = delicious gingery, fizzie drink! I am just dreaming about what I am going to make when I get off at 9pm.

Well team, just a little Prius pep talk if you were feeling down on your automobile and a little vodka never hurt anyone (a little – a lot of vodka does hurt).

Hoping you NEVER combine the two topics of this post,
Bailey

Simple Math to a Beach Body

Happy Tuesday B&B,

How’s your second day of the work week? You’ll be happy to know that I survived Valentine’s day. Algebra bought me a new, beautiful watch and found my favorite wine that I didn’t think existed anymore. His gift was pictures of what I ordered off Amazon for him 5 minutes before since I was boycotting the holiday, but then accepted the fact that I must participate.

Anything eventful happen to you ladies last night or did you just go about your usual Valentine’s routine?

Anyway. I’ve decided to stop eating carbs (again). Not only will it include all the gluten I shouldn’t be eating anyway (a gluten intolerant diagnosis just doesn’t seem scary enough for me to avoid the stuff), but I will help me drop a few lbs. I’m feeling the summer swimsuit pressure already, ladies! And guess what? I couldn’t be happier about it. The sun is shining, the air is getting warm and minus that little snow storm we’ll certainly have the the end of the week… I’m ready to throw on my bikini (I am, my body; however, is not – thus the carb ban).

I’ve also subtracted pilates (scheduling constraints) and added yoga and kalari. Team! Have you heard of kalari? OMG. It’s AHHHHmazing. Officially, it’s Indian martial arts (I think). Unofficially, it’s superhero training/gymnastics for grown-ups. It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever done. I attended my first class last Thursday and I’m still sore. Plus, my cheerleading background actually came in handy (first time since trying to date studly seniors in high school) when I could do a hand stand AND a backbend.

So, if I’ve done the math right (I’ll check with Algebra later):
(Bridget – carbs) + sunshine – pilates + (yoga x kalari) = Super hot bod in time but preferably before summer!

I can't wait to look like this in a few weeks! No?

Right? I’ll let you know how this goes (especially because I can’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t been actively trying to lose weight).

In totally awesome and important news, ALGEBRA’S BAND IS A CITY WEEKLY MUSIC AWARDS FINALIST! So awesome! There’s three bands, King Niko and two other bands that I’ve never heard of and the winner gets 2K and all the glory. Super neat-o. Bianca suggested we glam it up and head to the concert this Saturday and I couldn’t agree more. Bailey, you in? It’s at the Vertigo Room of The Complex (some new venue in downtown SLC) on Saturday night. Woot, woot!

Thinking skinny, carb deprived and not at all angry about it,
Bridget

Sent from my iPad

Happy Valentine’s and/or Single Awareness Day!

Bianca is working her way into a business trip after surprising Preston with a hotel room this Saturday. Bailey is celebrating by coming down off hot dude high from working the Dew Tour all weekend. Bridget is trying to keep her fourth graders off the ceiling as most of them had “Sweethearts” for breakfast.

Hugs, Kisses and CCCCAAANNNNDDDDYYY,
The Girls with Prius Envy

PS: It looks like Algebra has some competition from one of Bridget’s students who got her a rose AND a balloon.

Aw! From one of Bridget's students.

Happy Valentine’s Day or Single Awareness Day (whichever you choose to celebrate)!

His response? “Son of a bitch. Those little punks go all out.”

Sundancing

Hello Bianca and Bailey!

Holy sh*t! We actually managed to hang out and play this weekend! Even though it was a disaster of epic proportions, I’m still so glad I got to go through the epic disaster with you two lovely ladies!

Friday night the roommate invited me up to a party at Sundance. After swearing I would never go to a Sundance anything ever again, I, of course, immediately accepted. I mean we had our names on the list at Tao, how bad could it be? The answer: Very not bad. Pretty awesome, actually. Free booze, free hotel room, free patagonia coat and quasi celebrity sightings.

In any event, being in Tao made me feel like I had been transported to Vegas with all the dancing and celebrity(ish) sightings, but I was quickly reminded where I was when at 2:00am we were shoved to the streets. It started snowing like crazy. No one could catch a cab. Pure Insanity. Lucky for me, roommate had a driver arranged for the evening, so she made a call and we were safely escorted to our hotel (after we stopped for gas station burritos, ew, damn you free booze!).

Above you’ll see a picture of that one guy from those one movies we don’t really remember the names of because they sucked even when we were teenagers. Why the grumpiness, you ask? He was a douche. Whatever, dude, you’re not that cool. Infact, you’re not cool at all and acting like you are is embarrasing. For you.

Saturday night I was so stoked you guys braved coming out with Algebra and his cousin’s. The drink specials at Johnny’s on 2nd are horrifying. $4 for a shot and a beer. No wonder the night was ridiculous. People threatening to kill other people, two beer steins and countless shot glasses shattered, my attempting to drag a 200 pound dude out of a bar, MY PRIUS GETTING PUNCHED AND DENTED and then you two walking all the way to my condo.

I can’t believe it all happened in one night. INSANE. Needless to say, after this weekend I’m never drinking again, babysitting drunks or going to a bar EVER EVER EVER AGAIN. EVER.

In other news, Algebra’s band, King Niko is playing at Sundance on Saturday. They’ll be at The House of Blues (aka Star Bar during not Sundance) at 1:30 in the afternoon. Who wants to go up with me and get a little day drunk? You and you? Perfect.

Still wondering how we survived,
Bridget

PS: I set my DVR to record the reunion episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Even though I haven’t watched one episode, I’m so stoked to see the reunion show with you gals on Thursday! Woot woot!

Prius in the Press

Happy Monday!  I came across this article about the GM CEO saying all Prius drivers are geeks, specifically saying “We commonly refer to the geek-mobile as the Prius. And Iwouldn’t be caught dead in a Prius.” Well Dan Akerson, we, the Girls with Prius Envy, think you are a geek.

.

Read More:

Autoblog Green

CNBC

USA Today

My Impotent Prius

Good Morning, Ladies!

Bails, sorry to hear about Miss Art and the flu shot debacle. I too spent some time in the ER this week (read: FML*). Is there anything else more depressing than the ER? I don’t know what the crowd was like when you were there, but I had a guy with an amputated leg. I assumed he had diabetes or was a war vet, but no. He overdosed on Oxycontin a few months back and had to have his LEG REMOVED. I know this because he sat next to me unwarranted and told me the whole story. The kicker is that he was high on Oxycontin when he was talking to me. He made some comment like, you think idda learned my lesson. Uh, yeah. I think you should have probably learned a lesson from that horrible experience. I’m really glad I kept my drug usage to the occasional joint in college.

*FML: The photo above is what I was doing last weekend. This happened on Black Friday, and yes I’m aware of the irony. Especially since I wasn’t shopping, I was lost in business park hell. I was hit by a non-English speaker whose Xterra was filled to the brim with Ross Dress for Less bags and miscellaneous family members. I later learned she didn’t have a license but a learners permit. She had at least 5 whole seconds to get around me but smashed in to my Prius instead. Regardless of all of these glaring discrepancies about said driver, this accident was my fault since I slid (f*cking ice I will get you back some day) in to the road. Where she had no ice. And 5 seconds to get around me. And nobody next to her in the other three lanes of traffic. Yadda Yadda Yadda, I’m driving a Chevy Cobalt until December 17 and $1,250 poorer since I chose the ridiculous deductible instead of slightly higher monthly payments in an attempt to save money. (Again, the irony. I see it.) I also spent a good unnecessary 3 hours at the ER getting my head checked out since I hit it on the dashboard.

As you know, this isn’t my first accident and I’m starting to suspect that maybe I’m a bad driver. I’m not jumping to any conclusions quite yet, but it is suspicious that I’ve crashed 3 out of the 4 cars I’ve owned. Bailey, you were a passenger in the wreck of ’04 and Bridget, you we on the other end of the line in the wreck of ’07 (which was pedestrian related. More on that another time, I’m having anxiety thinking about it right now). But I can’t put my finger on what I’m doing wrong. It’s my December resolution to figure it out. So far I have made a commitment to put the mascara down while driving. One step at a time.

The good news is that the Prius is not totaled. It didn’t suffer any engine or frame damage, it just needs a new door, headlight and bumper. So I guess it’s safe to say I’m a girl with Prius envy. As in I’m envious of you two driving your Pri’i while I’m in a Chevy courtesy of the Airport Enterprise.

I’d like to say I learned my lesson, but I just don’t think that’s an accurate statement if history is any judge. However, that also doesn’t make me any better than a man with an amputated leg due to a crippling drug addiction as he didn’t learn his lesson either.

Laughing at the adjectives that accurately describe both Prius and penis,
Bianca