My Impotent Prius

Good Morning, Ladies!

Bails, sorry to hear about Miss Art and the flu shot debacle. I too spent some time in the ER this week (read: FML*). Is there anything else more depressing than the ER? I don’t know what the crowd was like when you were there, but I had a guy with an amputated leg. I assumed he had diabetes or was a war vet, but no. He overdosed on Oxycontin a few months back and had to have his LEG REMOVED. I know this because he sat next to me unwarranted and told me the whole story. The kicker is that he was high on Oxycontin when he was talking to me. He made some comment like, you think idda learned my lesson. Uh, yeah. I think you should have probably learned a lesson from that horrible experience. I’m really glad I kept my drug usage to the occasional joint in college.

*FML: The photo above is what I was doing last weekend. This happened on Black Friday, and yes I’m aware of the irony. Especially since I wasn’t shopping, I was lost in business park hell. I was hit by a non-English speaker whose Xterra was filled to the brim with Ross Dress for Less bags and miscellaneous family members. I later learned she didn’t have a license but a learners permit. She had at least 5 whole seconds to get around me but smashed in to my Prius instead. Regardless of all of these glaring discrepancies about said driver, this accident was my fault since I slid (f*cking ice I will get you back some day) in to the road. Where she had no ice. And 5 seconds to get around me. And nobody next to her in the other three lanes of traffic. Yadda Yadda Yadda, I’m driving a Chevy Cobalt until December 17 and $1,250 poorer since I chose the ridiculous deductible instead of slightly higher monthly payments in an attempt to save money. (Again, the irony. I see it.) I also spent a good unnecessary 3 hours at the ER getting my head checked out since I hit it on the dashboard.

As you know, this isn’t my first accident and I’m starting to suspect that maybe I’m a bad driver. I’m not jumping to any conclusions quite yet, but it is suspicious that I’ve crashed 3 out of the 4 cars I’ve owned. Bailey, you were a passenger in the wreck of ’04 and Bridget, you we on the other end of the line in the wreck of ’07 (which was pedestrian related. More on that another time, I’m having anxiety thinking about it right now). But I can’t put my finger on what I’m doing wrong. It’s my December resolution to figure it out. So far I have made a commitment to put the mascara down while driving. One step at a time.

The good news is that the Prius is not totaled. It didn’t suffer any engine or frame damage, it just needs a new door, headlight and bumper. So I guess it’s safe to say I’m a girl with Prius envy. As in I’m envious of you two driving your Pri’i while I’m in a Chevy courtesy of the Airport Enterprise.

I’d like to say I learned my lesson, but I just don’t think that’s an accurate statement if history is any judge. However, that also doesn’t make me any better than a man with an amputated leg due to a crippling drug addiction as he didn’t learn his lesson either.

Laughing at the adjectives that accurately describe both Prius and penis,
Bianca

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14 Comments

Filed under Bianca, Uncategorized

14 responses to “My Impotent Prius

  1. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    Glad you are ok. Sorry about the car and the wonderful medical bill for the car.

  2. Teri

    Hmmm…I have damaged every car I have ever had too, mostly in single car accidents (e.g. I had a run-in with my garage door). Oddly enough, I have never considered that I might not be a good driver…

    Food for thought, though. Cheers girls…hope your luck turns.

  3. First and foremost, i’m happy you’re OK and in a good enough mental state to stay so damn witty. My virtual Prius stands up to salute you.

  4. OMG Your poor prius 😦 so glad you are ok!! And glad the prius can be fixed!
    -Gizzy

    • It’s seen better days, but it’s going to be OK! Thank you for the concern. And FYI: Your blog has become equally as important to my morning as coffee. ❀
      -Bianca

      • The “kicker” re that amputated leg was that…. Pun intended or no? At least he won’t be running into trouble any more or pacing around waiting for delivery of some more pills. On a most serious side that drug is as widespread as crack here in Miami and it is destroying a lot of people.”steps”

      • Wow! Thanks for that compliment. πŸ™‚ So…I have to know, how in the HELL does overdoasing on oxycontin lead to getting a leg cut off?!!?!

        -L

      • Carl, the pun is always intended! πŸ˜‰ I almost wrote “pun intended” but didn’t know if the joke had a leg to stand on.

        Oxycontin is a huge problem where I grew up in San Diego, too. They call it Oxycoffin because it kills SO many kids.

        I just read your blog and was laughing out loud. I was getting dirty looks from my coworkers, but then showed them your Christmas tree cartoon and now they’re the ones who feel stupid laughing out loud.

        -Bianca

      • Alright, Lucky…

        Just googled it and it’s uncommon. BUT, since Oxycontin affects your nervous system, when it’s taken habitually it will cause necrosis (death) of the tissues in the body. And amputation is often the only solution.

        Apparently this happens to Oxycontin addicts who have diabetes all the time (like 100% of the time).

        So kids, don’t do drugs. ESP if you have diabetes.

        xoxo
        -Bianca

  5. I see you will make me laugh too. Make sure I have inscription to you blog OK.

  6. Catherine

    Sorry to hear about your accident and hope you are ok. I too am a bad driver and I, for the life of me, can’t figure out why I suck so much. Maybe my New Years resolution should be to be a better driver? That will save me lots of trips to the gym trying to lose weight for my resolution…. Because we all know you can only really have one! πŸ™‚

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