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I got an update for ya…

-I got married.

Algebra and I went through with it! We tied the knot in December 2011. It was perfect. All of Algebra’s friends and fam were in from Chicago and all the DramaWhores were there and on best behavior. After the nuptials, toasts and dancing we all went to the bar where Algebra and I met, conveniently located across the street from the venue. I went in my wedding dress, everyone drank too much and my mom was kicked out of the bar.

I told you it was perfect.

-I got pregnant.

Algebra and I decided that we’d be ready for a new addition to our family – and not another dog! My doc told me it could take a year for a healthy couple to get knocked up and that there’s only ONE day a month you can actually conceive (Did you know that?).

We decided to start trying earlier than anticipated since it might take awhile.

Two weeks later…

I think that’s all the details you’d like.

-I got my Masters.

Finally. Finished.

It was long and boring and I had to make many websites using HTML coding. I can’t talk about it more than that.

-I got a new job.

I had to give up teaching my amazing fourth graders to teach teachers how to use technology in their classrooms. Now, I spend my days surrounded by iDevices and troubleshooting. Playing on my iPhone is encouraged. It’s amazing (especially right now as I’m on maternity leave).

-I got (had?) a baby. 

He’s perfect. Labor and delivery were terrible. Terrible. But that’s another story for another blog.

The little nugget’s name is Mayor Ted as he now runs my entire world. Being a mom is different than I expected, harder, but I do love it and I’m learning so much.

Xo,

Mama

Shit, I mean Bridget

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I trust you.

Sorry for another video post sans explanation of disappearance and reappearance… but this is pretty awesome.

Bianca, pee *before* you watch this clip.

For the record, I totally trust that you ladies would drop me for similar YouTube fame.

Taking a self proclaimed snow day even though I’m still on maternity leave,

Bridget

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Twenty Middle Plus One

Oh hey there Bianca and Bailey!

How are my two favorite partners in crime? Our lack of blogging seriously disturbs me and has truly worried out gal (pen) pals at Cocktails at Tiffany’s (sorry ladies, we’re trying, I promise!). They even played virtual Marco Polo to find us. But like the master himself, Waldo, we’re still kind of lost (in the blogging world, career path place and on boot buying blvd).

It was great hanging out with you ladies on Saturday night. I love our impromptu pub crawls. They’re always just the perfect length (since we set the rules) and it was the perfect way to celebrate our good friend’s twenty middle plus one birthday. (Bianca-thanks for sharing your feather earrings with Algebra, er, Bear Paw, that was totally necessary.)

{Picture me floating through a worm hole from right now to a year ago from now}

Aw, the good ol days. Last year. All we could email about was how afraid we were to turn twenty middle. Le sigh. Your twenty middle plus one birthday has come and gone (unblogged about, sad. I heard there was a no pants party?) which means it’s my turn. Whatev. I feel like it’s not even a big deal. There’s so much going on that I couldn’t tell you what day of the week my birthday is. I think it’s a Tuesday? Wednesday? Anyway. We’re heading to Mile High with QDW to celebrate like we did for my Twenty Middle Minus One birthday and I feel like it will be a great little girl’s weekend to bring in the fall (and craziness that will ensue).

Craziness Ahead:
-Football season continues (Pac 12 what? Pass me a 12 pack, I’ll be tailgating)
-Algebra’s band plays The Big Ass Show (Seriously, that’s what it’s really called)
-Halloween (Costume ideas, anyone?)
-Thanksgiving (Bridget in Denver. Bailey in ?. Bianca in ?)
-Fall Semester Wraps Up (Bridget’s next to last, prepare to call her Master Bridget or Master Bates, whichever)
-Bianca finishes the book Bridget gave her and decides on a career path which takes her abroad to Bangladesh and she narrowly misses Bridget’s wedding (at which point Bridget regrets giving her the book in the first place)
-Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Ramadan(?)
-Bridget’s Wedding
-New Years
-2012
-World Ends.

Seems like a lot of craziness, but since the list (not me) brought up the wedding, I can talk about it. It’s three months away. Seriously. Look at a calendar. Three months (ok, three months and two days, but whoa). How did that sneak up on us? Let me put it in perspective for you: Approximately three months ago it was the fourth of July.

{Pause for everyone to regain consciousness}

I thought I had everything pretty “planned and together.” But now, I’m thinking not so much. Even worse, I don’t know the things that I still haven’t done. Sh!t.

Gotta go.

Hitting theknot.com so they can tell me how behind I am,
Bridget

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A Xanax, a pep talk and finding my big girl panties…

Bailey,

Are you alive?

I thought you should know that yesterday I had a nervous break down of quite epic proportions. You see, it was my last day of finals and my professors graciously made everything due on the same day. At the beginning of the semester, everything seemed completely manageable… three projects? No problem! Complete web design? Bring. It. On. Research paper? In my sleep. You want a presentation? I’ll show you a presentation.

And then came the procrastination (as it always does) and I did nothing for the entire semester and found myself with 48 hours to finish everything to meet my five o’clock deadline (presentation and final) and midnight deadline (assignments and papers). I took most of Monday dicking around on facebook, re-starting this blog and doing *one* assignment. Whatever. I still had Tuesday and everything would be fine.

Note: For my personal use, I choose to use a mac (the computer of the gods). For work, I’m forced to use a PC (the computer of my dad who used  “Steve Jobs is arrogant.” as his reasoning for not getting a mac, but that’s another story).

Anywho. I had to do a project in Captivate and it just so happens my PC has that software and my Mac does not.

Note: I could throw my mac out of a window into a pool and I wouldn’t lose a damn thing. If I look at my PC the wrong way, it shuts down.

I finished my one project of the day (which only took about four hours of total work time) and decided it was time to give my eyes a break from the computer and watch Conan. Just when I settled in to a comfy little monologue I hear the sound of my PC laptop CLOSING. WHAT?! THE?! #$%^?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Algebra closed my laptop (something about saving energy?!) and thereby erased all the work I had done. Of course then my stress and PMS kicked in and we got into a fight of epic proportions because I was being crazy and loud and mean (you know those fights where you’re right, he’s wrong, the relationship is fa sho over and hell no we’re not going to sleep because we’re going to stay up and yell).

This is pretty much what the breakdown looked like if I were Paris Hilton. Or, this is what Paris looks like when she attempts using a computer. You decide.

Tuesday rolled around, we were still pissed at each other, he went to work and I sat and cried in front of my computer screen. I outsourced part of my homework assignment to Bianca and told her about my break down. I told her I needed help, I couldn’t breathe, the world was crumbling and without an intervention I might “get back into bed and never graduate.”

Here is Bianca’s pep talk:

Ok. Come off the ledge, my friend. The beauty of a committed relationship is that you can be crazy and/or mean and are automatically forgiven. This time tomorrow you will have forgotten how stressed out you were! If he doesn’t know that you get irrationally angry when under deadline and pmsing, well then he just hasn’t been paying attention and that’s his fault. 😉 I’m sure he does his annoying, irrational shit too. It’s a part of life.
Like the obese woman down the hall from me just said about her new enema weight loss diet that is making her irritable (bowel joke), This too shall pass (also a bowel joke). You will finish all of your work, pass your classes with flying colors, and Algebra is going to love you forever. No matter how annoyed with him you may get.
And as Papa Vanderstappen always says, these are quality problems. You are stressed about grad school, but you are lucky to have the opportunity for higher education. You are stressed about Algebra, but lucky to have somebody to fight with. So voila! Off. Ledge.

And just like that, I put on mascara, a sun dress and my big girl panties and marched out the door to give my final presentation (with only minor eye puffiness from all the crying). The pep talk was just what I needed and Bianca’s part of my homework assignment turned out great, too.

Or perhaps it was the Xanax I took 30 minutes prior… either way, it worked.

Hugs, kisses and date night,
Bridget (and Algebra Forever)

Bianca,
I really couldn’t have survived yesterday without you and your pep talk (bowel jokes included). You saved my ass (bowel joke?). I really appreciate it.
Bridget

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Prius Envy Returns (Sorry for being Slack-Asses)

Reasons why we have been total slackers:
– Bizarrely cloudless summer = no time for inside activities. i.e. blogging.
– Toddlers and Tiaras marathon
– Rolling Blackouts
– Dancing on stage with Katy Perry
– Sleeping in is tiring.
– Balancing Margarita Monday and Tequila Tuesday (or was that Thursday?)
– DVR trumps Blog on hungover mornings. – TV plays itself, Blog does not write itself.
– Dream job hunting is very time consuming. Have yet to hear back from E! to be Seacrest’s co-anchor; or from Conde Nast to be it’s exotic island critic; or from Sauza to be it’s margarita taster… but am still waiting diligently by phone.
– Laziness and a general sense of writers block.
Update on Bianca’s life:
Had the opportunity to take a sh*tty job for sh*tty pay in hot-as-balls Arizona for a real sh*t eating jerk of a boss or take a hefty severance package. Turned down the incredible opportunity I was on the fence about to take the severance… yet still very much employed. Preston is making a 1-year plan while I’m learning different feet-dragging tactics. Divorced parents are both single for the first time in 10 years and considering another run at it. Traveling a lot to escape all of the above yet still very much enjoying the ride. Summer rules. Winter droools. Y’all are fools.
Update on Bridget’s life:
Summer break has been kicking ass by totally not kicking ass of any kind. I’ve done practically nothing. I mean, trips here and there, the whole wedding thing is planned and I’m almost finished with my third to last semester of grad school, but really, lots of sleeping. Naps have been my past time. I sleep in bed, by the pool, in the pool, on the lawn and definitely in front of the television. Biggest accomplishment: I finished some great (non school related) books and two seasons Dexter. Who’s winning now, Charlie Sheen? Oh. And I lost 8 (glorious) pounds (gaining them back as I type, even though I’m currently doing Bianca’s Magical Cleanse) and bought THE Wedding Dress.

Zzzzzz.....

Update on Bailey’s life:
No update because Bailey is still enjoying the most epic summer of all time that we’re all jealous of… Bailey… when you read this, send word, text, email or pigeon that you’re okay and still having an awesome time.
Readers: If you’re still out there. Sorry for sucking so hard at emailing. We promise to be better as summer gives way to fall. Forgive us?
Much-o Love-o,
The Girls with Prius Envy

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Biancas of the Caribbean

Happy Holiday Weekend!

I am headed to the Caribbean tomorrow on a fabulous seven-day cruise with Preston and his family. My highly-organized overly-excited self has already planned out every hour of every day which makes me worry that Preston might actually throw me overboard. You could say that the two of us travel differently. It’s not a bad thing, in fact it might even be good for us to balance each other out, but if one of us was in charge of the entire vacation, blood would be shed. I’m just sayin’.

I like to be moving and to see different sights throughout the day while Preston wants to kick back, relax and enjoy the sunshine on a beach chair (and 4, 5 or 6 tequila’s). I can lay out with the best of them, but we are going to be on a floating city! There is a salsa dancing club, wine tasting, islands with exotic sea life… How can you chill in a beach chair when you know you are missing all of those awesome things?

Ironically, in life we are the other way around. I am the laid back no worries gal while Preston is anal retentive and ‘planny’ (I don’t know how else to describe it). Helping him pack his suitcase was like *insert frustratng situation* with Larry David.

I can empathize with his vacation style if I channel childhood Bianca. Papa Vanderstappen has always taken us on some pretty epic vacations, but his travel ADD is worse than mine by a million. I’ve never even seen him lay, sit, look at a beach chair. He’s the only man in the world who WILL see every sight from the guide books and then some. His adventures were awesome – cliff jumping, caves, boating, rock climbing, but it’s non stop. I remember being a kid and being so over reading about historical sites. Oh this is where Ernest Hemingway’s ashes were scattered? Who the f*ck is Ernest Hemingway, Dad? (I had a sassy mouth on me as a kid). It was the same sentiment I had for Animal Farm at the time, I just don’t understand this shit.

Now that I’m older and wiser and that whole apple & tree thing has proven true, I love the historical shit (and Ernest Hemingway (but definitely not Animal Farm)) but can see why not everybody does. I can see where Preston is coming from. Sometimes you just want to do what you want to do, and if that means drinking $15 daquiris while watching pre-recorded basketball games, I’m not going to interfere.

In a surprising twist, Papa Vanderstappen recommend I embrace the relaxing travel style of Preston and family since I have never experienced it; suggesting that I might actually enjoy relaxing poolside. While unlikely, it’s not impossible. I’ll keep you posted.

Regardless of how my vacation is spent, it’s going to be incredible and I can’t wait! You can’t go wrong with sunshine, beaches and margs.

Bailey, I wish you the best at the wedding from hell and Bridget, hold down the fort.

Still amazed the state of CA thinks 7th Graders will understand the connection between Animal Farm and pre-Stalin era WWII,
-Bianca

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Springtime in the City of Salt

Twat is up, girls?! I hope your week is off to an awesome start! I know mine is! There is already talk of Friday Fiestas and this girl is s-t-o-k-e-d!

I swear the slightest sparkle of sunlight has everyone rejuvenated and excited for spring and summer. I mean, sure, it snowed yesterday, but beyond a few whiny Facebook posts, it hasn’t seemed to be too much of a problem! The snow is melting, my seeds are growing (yes, I planted flowers from SEEDS, how domestic of me, eh?) and everyone is in a super positive mood. I am loving it!

I know that the spike in vitamin D is part of the reason for everyone’s mood influx, but a mere increase in a silly little vitamin can’t be the only change, right? Right. Here’s my 8 degrees of why everyone is in a good mood (this is by no means a stretch):
1- When it is spring you’re usually not freezing your ass off when you’re outside.
2- So you go outside and your run around and play.
3- Since you’re spending so much more time running around and playing you get skinnier.
4-Now that you’re skinnier (and warm) you put on way cuter outfits that the drab shit you’ve been donning with your Uggs all winter.
5- When you look good, you feel good (thanks, Dion), and since you’re baring more skin in the sun, you get tanner.
6- Tanner=hotter (sorry, skin cancer society, it’s science!)
7-When you’re hotter more people want to hang out with you (sorry ugly people, again, it’s science.)
8-When you’re hanging out with hot and fun and wonderful people, what are you usually doing? THAT’S RIGHT! YOU ARE DRINKING A DELICIOUS AND COLORFUL DRINK AT SOME OUTDOOR LOCATION.

It all comes back to booze, my friends, and here are my top favorite SLC places to enjoy some spring and summer bevs. (No, I’m not teetering on alcoholism, friends. I’ve just held true to giving up the booze for lent and I’m kind starting to get the craving. Mmmm… Mimosas, margaritas and mojitos, OH MY!)

1-Gracies: Once a scary meat market in winter (complete is bejeweled man denim) turns into a super awesome patio par-tay during spring and summer. Drink of choice: Ask Sam for a ManWhore.

2-Spring Mobile Field: What may be one of the most poorly named ballparks in the US of A is a lovely place to spend spring afternoon and summer evenings. Drink of choice: Dur. Beer. Thirsty Thursday rocks my world. Note: If you get hit in the head with a fly ball you get free beer the rest of the season. Yes, I know from experience. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

3-Summer Concert Series: Wa-hoo! Back at the Gallivan Center this year. There’s nothing I love more than free concerts and free love in the summer. SLC hippies do their best to come out in full force for the concert series and I do my best to avoid the smell of their sometime sketchy dreds. Sure, I usually only make it to a few of the concerts before I feel like blowing my brains out from crowds, but hey, at least it’s an option, no? Drink of choice: Over priced white wine or whatever snuck in between my boobies.

4-Kickball: Yes, I’m one of “those” people that plays on an adult kickball league. What can I say? I love dressing up in a uniform (read: pink shirt, shortie shorts and knee socks) and it gives me a whole new crop of people to point and laugh at. Plus, if I were of the single variety, there’s a bunch of cute boys that play! A few of our girlies have found some fun little “distractions” on the kball field! Drink of choice: Anything mixed with Powerade. Gotta stay hydrated on the field, yo!

5- GREEN PIG’S ROOF TOP EXPANSION – Yes, you heard right, ladies. The Green Pig is opening a roof top bar. It’s going to be a thing of beauty! I can’t wait to sip on environmentally friendly drinks with you ladies there all summer.  Drink of Choice: To be invented for us… It’s going to be green, it’s going to be strong and I think it should be called a Hybrid Holiday (or something of that nature).

Hybrid Holliday

Anywhoser. I know it’s supposed to be kind of shit-tay for the next couple days, but whatever, spring is springing and it going to be an awesome two seasons. My mouth is literally watering in anticipation!

Salut, cheers and stuff,
Bridget

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