Tag Archives: SLC

BAILEY IS ALIVE!

Girls,
I apologize profusely for sucking at emailing lately. Bridget, I am so sorry about your loss but I’m glad it worked out. Seriously that feeling is the worst. Bianca is the best to go to in those “see the brighter side of things” situations. That is unless she is in need of one, in that case there is no positive outcome, but that’s another story.

Anyway I know I have been extremely MIA, and I honestly have no great reason. Yes, I have had a few vacations to Sun Valley & Napa but it’s not like I’m backpacking through Thailand or something (btw when can we do that?). The farthest I have made it is Canada. Which I is just like ‘Merica just a little bit worse. I’m off to Vegas this weekend, Montana the next and then California. I hope I can get in some qbt (quality blogging time) with my fav Prius ladies.

Once all my Thurs-Mon adventures are over, it’s September…wtf! I swear the three of us haven’t even had a chance to get day drunk yet. Maybe someday next week? Bianca you might have to take a late lunch and call out because you got salmonella from your turkey burger (there’s a crazy recall, check it out). Then the day will be ours. We will be cruising around on our cruisers (I haven’t even used mine yet, it’s all about the intense street biking these days…bored). We will look back and say, man that was an awesome Wednesday. I’m serious about this, not just saying it for the sake of our blog.  We won’t regret it…

Let's day drink and ride bikes, but not like this guy...

So what do you think? I’m totally open next Tuesday or Wednesday after 4pm. Bridget/Bailey – this WILL happen. I miss you both dearly and don’t hate me for having too horrible of ADHD to sit down and write a blog. Anyone have some medication I can try?
 
Guest Blogger,
Bailey
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Springtime in the City of Salt

Twat is up, girls?! I hope your week is off to an awesome start! I know mine is! There is already talk of Friday Fiestas and this girl is s-t-o-k-e-d!

I swear the slightest sparkle of sunlight has everyone rejuvenated and excited for spring and summer. I mean, sure, it snowed yesterday, but beyond a few whiny Facebook posts, it hasn’t seemed to be too much of a problem! The snow is melting, my seeds are growing (yes, I planted flowers from SEEDS, how domestic of me, eh?) and everyone is in a super positive mood. I am loving it!

I know that the spike in vitamin D is part of the reason for everyone’s mood influx, but a mere increase in a silly little vitamin can’t be the only change, right? Right. Here’s my 8 degrees of why everyone is in a good mood (this is by no means a stretch):
1- When it is spring you’re usually not freezing your ass off when you’re outside.
2- So you go outside and your run around and play.
3- Since you’re spending so much more time running around and playing you get skinnier.
4-Now that you’re skinnier (and warm) you put on way cuter outfits that the drab shit you’ve been donning with your Uggs all winter.
5- When you look good, you feel good (thanks, Dion), and since you’re baring more skin in the sun, you get tanner.
6- Tanner=hotter (sorry, skin cancer society, it’s science!)
7-When you’re hotter more people want to hang out with you (sorry ugly people, again, it’s science.)
8-When you’re hanging out with hot and fun and wonderful people, what are you usually doing? THAT’S RIGHT! YOU ARE DRINKING A DELICIOUS AND COLORFUL DRINK AT SOME OUTDOOR LOCATION.

It all comes back to booze, my friends, and here are my top favorite SLC places to enjoy some spring and summer bevs. (No, I’m not teetering on alcoholism, friends. I’ve just held true to giving up the booze for lent and I’m kind starting to get the craving. Mmmm… Mimosas, margaritas and mojitos, OH MY!)

1-Gracies: Once a scary meat market in winter (complete is bejeweled man denim) turns into a super awesome patio par-tay during spring and summer. Drink of choice: Ask Sam for a ManWhore.

2-Spring Mobile Field: What may be one of the most poorly named ballparks in the US of A is a lovely place to spend spring afternoon and summer evenings. Drink of choice: Dur. Beer. Thirsty Thursday rocks my world. Note: If you get hit in the head with a fly ball you get free beer the rest of the season. Yes, I know from experience. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

3-Summer Concert Series: Wa-hoo! Back at the Gallivan Center this year. There’s nothing I love more than free concerts and free love in the summer. SLC hippies do their best to come out in full force for the concert series and I do my best to avoid the smell of their sometime sketchy dreds. Sure, I usually only make it to a few of the concerts before I feel like blowing my brains out from crowds, but hey, at least it’s an option, no? Drink of choice: Over priced white wine or whatever snuck in between my boobies.

4-Kickball: Yes, I’m one of “those” people that plays on an adult kickball league. What can I say? I love dressing up in a uniform (read: pink shirt, shortie shorts and knee socks) and it gives me a whole new crop of people to point and laugh at. Plus, if I were of the single variety, there’s a bunch of cute boys that play! A few of our girlies have found some fun little “distractions” on the kball field! Drink of choice: Anything mixed with Powerade. Gotta stay hydrated on the field, yo!

5- GREEN PIG’S ROOF TOP EXPANSION – Yes, you heard right, ladies. The Green Pig is opening a roof top bar. It’s going to be a thing of beauty! I can’t wait to sip on environmentally friendly drinks with you ladies there all summer.  Drink of Choice: To be invented for us… It’s going to be green, it’s going to be strong and I think it should be called a Hybrid Holiday (or something of that nature).

Hybrid Holliday

Anywhoser. I know it’s supposed to be kind of shit-tay for the next couple days, but whatever, spring is springing and it going to be an awesome two seasons. My mouth is literally watering in anticipation!

Salut, cheers and stuff,
Bridget

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They put the fun in dysfunctional

Good Morning, ladies!
 
I am enjoying this beautiful inversion-free SLC day. Not to mention it’s Friday and I have a new blondie blonde haircut. It’s a good day.
 
Bails I’m so sorry to hear about your Prius. It doesn’t seem like we have very good luck with cars. Maybe it runs in the family (along with killer good looks and a high tolerance for alcohol). To answer your question, No. I don’t know how much a new bumper costs, but I don’t think you’re going to like the answer when you find out. But your birthday is coming up and I’m sure your parents will oblige. (Do you ever get embarrassed that we’re twenty-middle and still getting rescued financially (and otherwise) by our parents?… Me either.)
 
The idiot who hit me in the parking lot’s insurance company has agreed to fix my Prius. Getting hit three times in two months is so unfair. They say everything happens in three’s but then you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe(s) to drop. I prefer isolated incidents that never happen again.
 
How was your weekend without us, Bridget? 
 
San Diego was warm and wonderful as per usual. We biked and hiked and almost got hit by a train, we partied and superbowled and most notably, watched QDW make a drunken fool out of herself. In between telling stories of her boyfriend she would sit on brother Jon’s lap and aggressively flirt with his friends. I ended up cock-blocking (AKA: helping her not cheat on her boyfriend) which was a wildly unpopular move.
 
While fun, this trip was more stressful than usual which gives me anxiety. Spending that much time with my family makes me happy that I have such an outrageous bunch to call my own, but also pretty certain that I couldn’t live at home again.
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Sometimes my life feels like the movie, Orange County with Colin Hanks (remember how many times the song, Butterfly by Crazy Town played in that movie?). I’m the Colin Hanks character, my mom is the mom character (to a T, old boyfriend and all), my brother is the Jack Black character but in Law School and my Dad is Clark Griswold from The National Lampoon movies.
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My dad made us hand wash every dish in his sink last weekend even though he has a working dishwasher. He uses the same TV he bought in 1994 even though he has a 50-in HDTV sitting in a box in the garage, and up until last month used dial up internet and Windows ’94 (I guess he was really in to technology in 1994).
 
My mom cried when she learned we parked her car at the bar. She “retired” last year from… (I still can’t figure it out, the last job she had was in 2001), and ordered a bottle of wine plus an extra glass for the table at brunch. There were three of us.
 
My brother was an undergrad for 7 years at three universities, lived in Australia for an extra month after missing 3 flights home (Bridget, you and I met his cronies down under and it’s no wonder. They were a special breed of hippies.), didn’t have a driver’s license for 9 years due to numerous violations yet still managed to finish at the top of his law school class this year. 
 
I know, they’re pretty great. I love them more than anything and miss them terribly but due to their neurotic behavior, when I move back to San Diego this year I’ll seriously be looking for my own place.
 
Armed with rocks from my glass house,
-Bianca 

*Picture courtesy of National Lampoon, inc. The Griswolds are my favorite dysfunctional family.

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Will. Strangle. Cupid.

Bailey and Bianca,

How are my two favorite people to email in the whole world? Sorry I’ve been MIA all day. From having my principals and parents in my room to my most ADHD student forgetting to take his meds, it has proved to be an absolutely crazy day (and from what I hear from you two, you’ve had crazy days, too. Maybe it’s something in the UBBER COLD air).

First of all:
Bailey – congrats again on your new job! I’ve recently spoken with your boss (being that she’s my favorite aunt) and she can’t stop raving about you. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about your interview ahead of time. 🙂
Bianca – thank you for our sappy/silly text conversation. It made my Sunday.

Moving on, how’s your Tuesday and first day of February going, gals? It may be freaking freezing (so cold my student’s haven’t been allowed out to recess), but it’s clear outside and I can see the sun AND the mountains! Ah-mazing!

Being that it’s February, Valentine’s Day is all my students can think about! It’s two weeks away and they’re already hyper because of all the chocolate they will consume and pokemon cards they will receive. And now – it’s all I can think about. What should I get Algebra? What is he going to get me? Where are we going to celebrate? When are we going to celebrate? BLAH!

Do you think Algebra will mind if we just skip Valentine’s this year? (My intuition thinks he’ll be relieved and super stoked on the idea.) I’m just too stressed out to even think about it, will have to celebrate with twenty-four students and at the end of the day – I DO NO CARE. I don’t care if he gets me roses, I don’t care if we exchange sappy cards and I really don’t care if we even go out to dinner that night. Our relationship is fine, thank you very much and I don’t need some sappy, mid-month holiday to spice anything up.

Did I mention Valentine’s is on a Monday this year? A Monday. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?! (Nothing is the correct answer here.)

Nope, not even you, Algebra.

Gals, I’m so stressed out I don’t know what to do. I feel like I haven’t been able to relax since spring semester started. I constantly have a minimum of five things on my mind, am on the verge of an anxiety attack and then forget what the hell I was worried about in the first place (I was glad to hear you two experience the same phenomenon). I think it’s stress amnesia – you stress out so much your brain blows a fuse and forces you to forget whatever it was you were worrying so much about. The roomie and I had a talk last night and I think my stress level is kind of turning me in to a hateful bitch in survival mode. Oops. Sorry if I’ve been evil lately. I’ll be back to normal when I graduate in May 2012.

This whole new level of stress that I’m functioning on is “forcing” me into taking a mental health day on Thursday (thanks for the idea, Bianca). I think I’m going to book a hotel room up in Park City and surprise Algebra with it as a preemptive Valentine’s Day strike. But – I’m having a hard time finding a pet friendly (not leaving Weiner with a “stranger” just quite yet) hotel that would be worth stay at. Any recommendations?

I guess I better get back to work diverting my students attention from Valentine’s Day for the next two weeks.

Cupid, who?
Bridget

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Engaged or Enraged? Which are you this holiday season?

Bianca and Bridget,

I am going to start off this email by saying if you are going to get engaged or break-up with your significant others before the end of this month, I don’t think we can be friends. I don’t know what it is about 2010, but I didn’t know I had this many friends who I thought were even capable of getting married and/or breaking-up in general.

I mean, 2010 was the year of sorority friends all over to get married. Is it because we are now 25+? Must be because 7 girls got engaged this year. Luckily I think I only have to go to FOUR weddings next summer, all of them being out of state or the f-ing country. I can’t wait and am SO happy for these girls, but I just don’t understand how one is supposed to fund all this. Dress for the wedding, wedding present, bachelorette, flight, hotel, blah blah blah…I need a Xanax just thinking about it. I mean for real though, where the F was my memo that in my mid-20’s I would need a few grand to spend jetting off to these occasions? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be great at the wedding and have the time of my life. I’m a conservative dancer, social drinker, can talk to anyone…just a little frazzled.  Hopefully I have this whole procedure down before you two take the leap, I honestly am going track each itinerary to make sure I find the best method. I will be a pro. Promise.

On the other hand, all the single ladies. It is rare you will find girls our age have a big single girl posse. Well ladies and gentleman, I feel one forming. Who would want to break-up right at Christmas? Well it seems like half the girls I hang out with. Is it like the itch to just be free? Maybe it’s just the reaction of their significant other not wanted to take the plunge. Either way, I’m not complaining I think it’s fun when there is a big girl posse to roll with, but it is also scary if comes along an eligible bachelor. Take cover…some of these girls are frisky.

Not only are my friends going through this cycle of either tying the knot or kicking their partner in the curb, but celebrities too. They are just like us! This week alone Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johanson & Zach Ephron/Vanessa Hudgens called it quits while Nicole Riche/Joel Madden (her dress was AMAZING) & Hulk Hogan/his random blonde slut of the month (their wedding got interrupted by a BEACH BRAWL?) got hitched! I have to say I am quite pleased with all the happenings – minus the Hulk I could honestly care less about him.

Anyway my unmarried but in a committed relationship but still can go out and have fun friends, that is that. In all honesty, if one more of my friends gets engaged and decides to have a wedding next year b/t Memorial Weekend and Labor Day I am going to have to become a hooker.

Off to David’s Bridal,
Bailey

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My Impotent Prius

Good Morning, Ladies!

Bails, sorry to hear about Miss Art and the flu shot debacle. I too spent some time in the ER this week (read: FML*). Is there anything else more depressing than the ER? I don’t know what the crowd was like when you were there, but I had a guy with an amputated leg. I assumed he had diabetes or was a war vet, but no. He overdosed on Oxycontin a few months back and had to have his LEG REMOVED. I know this because he sat next to me unwarranted and told me the whole story. The kicker is that he was high on Oxycontin when he was talking to me. He made some comment like, you think idda learned my lesson. Uh, yeah. I think you should have probably learned a lesson from that horrible experience. I’m really glad I kept my drug usage to the occasional joint in college.

*FML: The photo above is what I was doing last weekend. This happened on Black Friday, and yes I’m aware of the irony. Especially since I wasn’t shopping, I was lost in business park hell. I was hit by a non-English speaker whose Xterra was filled to the brim with Ross Dress for Less bags and miscellaneous family members. I later learned she didn’t have a license but a learners permit. She had at least 5 whole seconds to get around me but smashed in to my Prius instead. Regardless of all of these glaring discrepancies about said driver, this accident was my fault since I slid (f*cking ice I will get you back some day) in to the road. Where she had no ice. And 5 seconds to get around me. And nobody next to her in the other three lanes of traffic. Yadda Yadda Yadda, I’m driving a Chevy Cobalt until December 17 and $1,250 poorer since I chose the ridiculous deductible instead of slightly higher monthly payments in an attempt to save money. (Again, the irony. I see it.) I also spent a good unnecessary 3 hours at the ER getting my head checked out since I hit it on the dashboard.

As you know, this isn’t my first accident and I’m starting to suspect that maybe I’m a bad driver. I’m not jumping to any conclusions quite yet, but it is suspicious that I’ve crashed 3 out of the 4 cars I’ve owned. Bailey, you were a passenger in the wreck of ’04 and Bridget, you we on the other end of the line in the wreck of ’07 (which was pedestrian related. More on that another time, I’m having anxiety thinking about it right now). But I can’t put my finger on what I’m doing wrong. It’s my December resolution to figure it out. So far I have made a commitment to put the mascara down while driving. One step at a time.

The good news is that the Prius is not totaled. It didn’t suffer any engine or frame damage, it just needs a new door, headlight and bumper. So I guess it’s safe to say I’m a girl with Prius envy. As in I’m envious of you two driving your Pri’i while I’m in a Chevy courtesy of the Airport Enterprise.

I’d like to say I learned my lesson, but I just don’t think that’s an accurate statement if history is any judge. However, that also doesn’t make me any better than a man with an amputated leg due to a crippling drug addiction as he didn’t learn his lesson either.

Laughing at the adjectives that accurately describe both Prius and penis,
Bianca

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The Holy War

The Holy War, or University of Utah vs BYU rivalry as it’s known to anyone else outside of Utah has a long rich history dating back to 1896. We write this post today in honor of the 92nd annual football game between the power house and the power church.

If you’re wondering who we root for, just think about it for a minute. Our name is a pun on male genitalia. We’re not experts, but we’re pretty sure that penis innuendos are the #1 no-no in the moron (er, mormon) handbook. Also, we’re U of U alums and will unconditionally support our team now and forever.

Enjoy these statistics we’ve compiled after long hours in the library researching (or Wikipedia, whatever you want to call it) and make sure to root for the Utes. GO UTES!

“I really hate them. Playing in the game helped me understand. They are the most arrogant people. It’s the whole church and state thing. They’re the ‘good kids’. We’re the ‘bad kids.’ I didn’t feel it in my gut last year like I do now.” – Alex Smith**

The Holy War

Teams
University of Utah Utes
Brigham Young University Cougars
Trophy see Beehive Boot
Originated April 6, 1896
Series 91 Games
Utah leads 53–34–4
First Game Utah 12, BYU 4 April 6, 1896
Largest Victory BYU 56, Utah 6 November 22, 1980
Highest Scoring Game BYU 70, Utah 31 November 18, 1989
Lowest Scoring Game Utah 0, BYU 0 November 17, 1928
Longest Win Streaks BYU 9 (1979-1987) Utah 9 (1929-1937)
Most Recent Game BYU 26, Utah 23OT November 28, 2009
Current Streak BYU 1 (2009)
Last Ten Games Tied, 5-5
Next Game Salt Lake City November 27, 2010

GO UTES!

Utah Wins (53)
1896 (Apr. & Nov.)
1898 1922 1923 1924
1925 1926 1927 1929
1930 1931 1932 1933
1934 1935 1936 1937
1939 1940 1946 1947
1948 1949 1951 1952
1953 1954 1955 1956
1957 1959 1960 1961
1962 1963 1964 1968
1969 1970 1971 1978
1988 1993 1994 1995
1997 1999 2002 2003
2004 2005 2008

BOOOOOOO

Their logo is stupid

BYU Wins (34)
1896 (Dec.)
1897 (Dec. 4 & 18)
1942 1958 1965 1966
1967 1972 1973 1974
1975 1976 1977 1979
1980 1981 1982 1983
1984 1985 1986 1987
1989 1990 1991 1992
1996 1998 2000 2001
2006 2007 2009

**Bailey made out with Alex Smith in College a lot.

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