I got an update for ya…

-I got married.

Algebra and I went through with it! We tied the knot in December 2011. It was perfect. All of Algebra’s friends and fam were in from Chicago and all the DramaWhores were there and on best behavior. After the nuptials, toasts and dancing we all went to the bar where Algebra and I met, conveniently located across the street from the venue. I went in my wedding dress, everyone drank too much and my mom was kicked out of the bar.

I told you it was perfect.

-I got pregnant.

Algebra and I decided that we’d be ready for a new addition to our family – and not another dog! My doc told me it could take a year for a healthy couple to get knocked up and that there’s only ONE day a month you can actually conceive (Did you know that?).

We decided to start trying earlier than anticipated since it might take awhile.

Two weeks later…

I think that’s all the details you’d like.

-I got my Masters.

Finally. Finished.

It was long and boring and I had to make many websites using HTML coding. I can’t talk about it more than that.

-I got a new job.

I had to give up teaching my amazing fourth graders to teach teachers how to use technology in their classrooms. Now, I spend my days surrounded by iDevices and troubleshooting. Playing on my iPhone is encouraged. It’s amazing (especially right now as I’m on maternity leave).

-I got (had?) a baby. 

He’s perfect. Labor and delivery were terrible. Terrible. But that’s another story for another blog.

The little nugget’s name is Mayor Ted as he now runs my entire world. Being a mom is different than I expected, harder, but I do love it and I’m learning so much.

Xo,

Mama

Shit, I mean Bridget

I trust you.

Sorry for another video post sans explanation of disappearance and reappearance… but this is pretty awesome.

Bianca, pee *before* you watch this clip.

For the record, I totally trust that you ladies would drop me for similar YouTube fame.

Taking a self proclaimed snow day even though I’m still on maternity leave,

Bridget

Twenty Middle Plus One

Oh hey there Bianca and Bailey!

How are my two favorite partners in crime? Our lack of blogging seriously disturbs me and has truly worried out gal (pen) pals at Cocktails at Tiffany’s (sorry ladies, we’re trying, I promise!). They even played virtual Marco Polo to find us. But like the master himself, Waldo, we’re still kind of lost (in the blogging world, career path place and on boot buying blvd).

It was great hanging out with you ladies on Saturday night. I love our impromptu pub crawls. They’re always just the perfect length (since we set the rules) and it was the perfect way to celebrate our good friend’s twenty middle plus one birthday. (Bianca-thanks for sharing your feather earrings with Algebra, er, Bear Paw, that was totally necessary.)

{Picture me floating through a worm hole from right now to a year ago from now}

Aw, the good ol days. Last year. All we could email about was how afraid we were to turn twenty middle. Le sigh. Your twenty middle plus one birthday has come and gone (unblogged about, sad. I heard there was a no pants party?) which means it’s my turn. Whatev. I feel like it’s not even a big deal. There’s so much going on that I couldn’t tell you what day of the week my birthday is. I think it’s a Tuesday? Wednesday? Anyway. We’re heading to Mile High with QDW to celebrate like we did for my Twenty Middle Minus One birthday and I feel like it will be a great little girl’s weekend to bring in the fall (and craziness that will ensue).

Craziness Ahead:
-Football season continues (Pac 12 what? Pass me a 12 pack, I’ll be tailgating)
-Algebra’s band plays The Big Ass Show (Seriously, that’s what it’s really called)
-Halloween (Costume ideas, anyone?)
-Thanksgiving (Bridget in Denver. Bailey in ?. Bianca in ?)
-Fall Semester Wraps Up (Bridget’s next to last, prepare to call her Master Bridget or Master Bates, whichever)
-Bianca finishes the book Bridget gave her and decides on a career path which takes her abroad to Bangladesh and she narrowly misses Bridget’s wedding (at which point Bridget regrets giving her the book in the first place)
-Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Ramadan(?)
-Bridget’s Wedding
-New Years
-2012
-World Ends.

Seems like a lot of craziness, but since the list (not me) brought up the wedding, I can talk about it. It’s three months away. Seriously. Look at a calendar. Three months (ok, three months and two days, but whoa). How did that sneak up on us? Let me put it in perspective for you: Approximately three months ago it was the fourth of July.

{Pause for everyone to regain consciousness}

I thought I had everything pretty “planned and together.” But now, I’m thinking not so much. Even worse, I don’t know the things that I still haven’t done. Sh!t.

Gotta go.

Hitting theknot.com so they can tell me how behind I am,
Bridget

BAILEY IS ALIVE!

Girls, I apologize profusely for sucking at emailing lately. Bridget, I am so sorry about your loss but I’m glad it worked out. Seriously that feeling is the worst. Bianca is the best to go to in those “see the brighter side of things” situations. That is unless she is in need of one, in that case there is no positive outcome, but that’s another story. Anyway I know I have been extremely MIA, and I honestly have no great reason. Yes, I have had a few vacations to Sun Valley & Napa but it’s not like I’m backpacking through Thailand or something (btw when can we do that?). The farthest I have made it is Canada. Which I is just like ‘Merica just a little bit worse. I’m off to Vegas this weekend, Montana the next and then California. I hope I can get in some qbt (quality blogging time) with my fav Prius ladies. Once all my Thurs-Mon adventures are over, it’s September…wtf! I swear the three of us haven’t even had a chance to get day drunk yet. Maybe someday next week? Bianca you might have to take a late lunch and call out because you got salmonella from your turkey burger (there’s a crazy recall, check it out). Then the day will be ours. We will be cruising around on our cruisers (I haven’t even used mine yet, it’s all about the intense street biking these days…bored). We will look back and say, man that was an awesome Wednesday. I’m serious about this, not just saying it for the sake of our blog.  We won’t regret it… Let's day drink and ride bikes, but not like this guy... So what do you think? I’m totally open next Tuesday or Wednesday after 4pm. Bridget/Bailey – this WILL happen. I miss you both dearly and don’t hate me for having too horrible of ADHD to sit down and write a blog. Anyone have some medication I can try?   Guest Blogger, Bailey

A Xanax, a pep talk and finding my big girl panties…

Bailey,

Are you alive?

I thought you should know that yesterday I had a nervous break down of quite epic proportions. You see, it was my last day of finals and my professors graciously made everything due on the same day. At the beginning of the semester, everything seemed completely manageable… three projects? No problem! Complete web design? Bring. It. On. Research paper? In my sleep. You want a presentation? I’ll show you a presentation.

And then came the procrastination (as it always does) and I did nothing for the entire semester and found myself with 48 hours to finish everything to meet my five o’clock deadline (presentation and final) and midnight deadline (assignments and papers). I took most of Monday dicking around on facebook, re-starting this blog and doing *one* assignment. Whatever. I still had Tuesday and everything would be fine.

Note: For my personal use, I choose to use a mac (the computer of the gods). For work, I’m forced to use a PC (the computer of my dad who used  “Steve Jobs is arrogant.” as his reasoning for not getting a mac, but that’s another story).

Anywho. I had to do a project in Captivate and it just so happens my PC has that software and my Mac does not.

Note: I could throw my mac out of a window into a pool and I wouldn’t lose a damn thing. If I look at my PC the wrong way, it shuts down.

I finished my one project of the day (which only took about four hours of total work time) and decided it was time to give my eyes a break from the computer and watch Conan. Just when I settled in to a comfy little monologue I hear the sound of my PC laptop CLOSING. WHAT?! THE?! #$%^?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Algebra closed my laptop (something about saving energy?!) and thereby erased all the work I had done. Of course then my stress and PMS kicked in and we got into a fight of epic proportions because I was being crazy and loud and mean (you know those fights where you’re right, he’s wrong, the relationship is fa sho over and hell no we’re not going to sleep because we’re going to stay up and yell).

This is pretty much what the breakdown looked like if I were Paris Hilton. Or, this is what Paris looks like when she attempts using a computer. You decide.

Tuesday rolled around, we were still pissed at each other, he went to work and I sat and cried in front of my computer screen. I outsourced part of my homework assignment to Bianca and told her about my break down. I told her I needed help, I couldn’t breathe, the world was crumbling and without an intervention I might “get back into bed and never graduate.”

Here is Bianca’s pep talk:

Ok. Come off the ledge, my friend. The beauty of a committed relationship is that you can be crazy and/or mean and are automatically forgiven. This time tomorrow you will have forgotten how stressed out you were! If he doesn’t know that you get irrationally angry when under deadline and pmsing, well then he just hasn’t been paying attention and that’s his fault. 😉 I’m sure he does his annoying, irrational shit too. It’s a part of life.

Like the obese woman down the hall from me just said about her new enema weight loss diet that is making her irritable (bowel joke), This too shall pass (also a bowel joke). You will finish all of your work, pass your classes with flying colors, and Algebra is going to love you forever. No matter how annoyed with him you may get.

And as Papa Vanderstappen always says, these are quality problems. You are stressed about grad school, but you are lucky to have the opportunity for higher education. You are stressed about Algebra, but lucky to have somebody to fight with. So voila! Off. Ledge.

And just like that, I put on mascara, a sun dress and my big girl panties and marched out the door to give my final presentation (with only minor eye puffiness from all the crying). The pep talk was just what I needed and Bianca’s part of my homework assignment turned out great, too.

Or perhaps it was the Xanax I took 30 minutes prior… either way, it worked.

Hugs, kisses and date night,
Bridget (and Algebra Forever)

Bianca,
I really couldn’t have survived yesterday without you and your pep talk (bowel jokes included). You saved my ass (bowel joke?). I really appreciate it.
Bridget

Wahhhhh! What’s wrong with me?!

Hey girls and happy fridizzle,

So, as you know, I’ve recently switched forms of birth control. I went from an IUD (which I loved and adored and never thought about) to The Pill. I haven’t really noticed a difference (now that I’m used to taking the blasted thing every day), but ever since I started taking The Pill, the WORLD HAS TURNED AGAINST ME. Yes, that’s right. The world. Everyone hates me. Algebra is constantly trying to hurt my feelings. I have no friends. I’m fat. My life sucks.

Wait a second… could this weepy, sensitive subhuman I’ve turned into be because of a new substance I’m putting into my body? I’ve been like this for approximately 8 weeks. I’ve been taking The Pill approximately 8 weeks. Coincidence? I think not. But until my gyno and I can arrange a time to meet up, I’m stuck with this blasted thing.

At least I’m aware of it now so I can try and control psycho self.

In case you were wondering, here’s a list of things that I’ve cried over since this blasted thing has taken over my soul:
-Spilled milk (swear to God)
-Sylvan commercials
-My friends being nice to me
-A Fiona Apple song (Paper Bag – so awesome, but tears, really?!)
-Algebra asking why I was being sensitive
-Being called a racist (this one is warranted, right?)
-One of my students being suspended (I won’t get to see him again this year :-()
-A Maya Angelou Poem
-My internet not working
-Rewriting my resume
-A polynesian dance assembly

Seriously? I need an appointment with my gyno or a therapist stat. In other devastating news (actually this time), my childhood dog might have some sort of crazy heart problem (at least it’s not cancer like we thought). Maybe I can cover all my silly tears with actual tears on this one (even if I am crying because I can’t find a matching shoe).

WAHHHHHHHHH,
Bridget

Bridget+Algebra=Engaged

Bianca and Bailey,

Sorry it’s been so long without an email, I don’t feel too badly though, because I haven’t heard from your girlies either! Well, via email, I’ve seen lots of you in real life (imagine that) and we’ve spoken lots via all forms of iPhone communication.

So. I don’t know how to start on this because I’m not usually one for sappy lovey doveyness, but ladies, I’M ENGAGED! Algebra popped the question over Spring Break (yep, I love my job, I have a spring break and am getting dangerously near to a big summer break).

We’ve tentatively set a date for December 29th of this year which means I am currently under 8 months away from THE DAY. I’m doing my best to not become one of those girls where they get engaged and then the wedding planning consumes all forms of life and it’s all they talk about (but I realize I’m already failing). I’ve tried to set a few rules for myself.

1- Stop staring at my engagement ring when other people can see me. (I NEVER wear finger jewelry at all and this damn thing is pretty shiny. It’s a hazard while driving.)
2-Do NOT bring up wedding plans (unless there is a DIRE emergency and opinions are needed) unless someone else brings it up first.
3-Never say the word fiancé. Sorry girls, Algebra is still my boyfriend and he will be until he’s my husband. Fiancé sounds stupid coming out of my mouth (unless I’m in Vegas pretending to be French).

With under 8 months to go, it’s likely that I’ll be breaking my rule #2 (like I am right now) on a fairly consistent basis. Le sigh.

Wedding planning emergency #1: WHERE THE HELL DO I START? Any guidance anyone can give me in this region will be gratefully accepted. Bianca, thanks so much for signing up for all the wedding newsletters for me.

Since I am a self proclaimed nerd, the first thing I did was claim the URL bridgetandalgebra.com and start a wedding website (just for the basic information and so I don’t have to take any paper RSVP’s, I mean, I drive a Prius, my wedding will have as little impact on the environment as possible). Sure, I don’t have any information to put up on the website, but it exists and I’ve done something for the wedding and that’s all that matters to me. Any progress counts, right?

Note: While I’m engaged and even after the wedding I still plan on having girl’s night more than once a week and going out just like we do now. If I stop getting invited to the bar or themed house parties, I will give new meaning to bridezilla. Got it, betches?

Trying to dodge the sappy and refusing to even look at wedding dresses until I drop 10 pounds,
Bridget

PS-When do I need to order one of those dresses by, anyway? Eph.

Springtime in the City of Salt

Twat is up, girls?! I hope your week is off to an awesome start! I know mine is! There is already talk of Friday Fiestas and this girl is s-t-o-k-e-d!

I swear the slightest sparkle of sunlight has everyone rejuvenated and excited for spring and summer. I mean, sure, it snowed yesterday, but beyond a few whiny Facebook posts, it hasn’t seemed to be too much of a problem! The snow is melting, my seeds are growing (yes, I planted flowers from SEEDS, how domestic of me, eh?) and everyone is in a super positive mood. I am loving it!

I know that the spike in vitamin D is part of the reason for everyone’s mood influx, but a mere increase in a silly little vitamin can’t be the only change, right? Right. Here’s my 8 degrees of why everyone is in a good mood (this is by no means a stretch):
1- When it is spring you’re usually not freezing your ass off when you’re outside.
2- So you go outside and your run around and play.
3- Since you’re spending so much more time running around and playing you get skinnier.
4-Now that you’re skinnier (and warm) you put on way cuter outfits that the drab shit you’ve been donning with your Uggs all winter.
5- When you look good, you feel good (thanks, Dion), and since you’re baring more skin in the sun, you get tanner.
6- Tanner=hotter (sorry, skin cancer society, it’s science!)
7-When you’re hotter more people want to hang out with you (sorry ugly people, again, it’s science.)
8-When you’re hanging out with hot and fun and wonderful people, what are you usually doing? THAT’S RIGHT! YOU ARE DRINKING A DELICIOUS AND COLORFUL DRINK AT SOME OUTDOOR LOCATION.

It all comes back to booze, my friends, and here are my top favorite SLC places to enjoy some spring and summer bevs. (No, I’m not teetering on alcoholism, friends. I’ve just held true to giving up the booze for lent and I’m kind starting to get the craving. Mmmm… Mimosas, margaritas and mojitos, OH MY!)

1-Gracies: Once a scary meat market in winter (complete is bejeweled man denim) turns into a super awesome patio par-tay during spring and summer. Drink of choice: Ask Sam for a ManWhore.

2-Spring Mobile Field: What may be one of the most poorly named ballparks in the US of A is a lovely place to spend spring afternoon and summer evenings. Drink of choice: Dur. Beer. Thirsty Thursday rocks my world. Note: If you get hit in the head with a fly ball you get free beer the rest of the season. Yes, I know from experience. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

3-Summer Concert Series: Wa-hoo! Back at the Gallivan Center this year. There’s nothing I love more than free concerts and free love in the summer. SLC hippies do their best to come out in full force for the concert series and I do my best to avoid the smell of their sometime sketchy dreds. Sure, I usually only make it to a few of the concerts before I feel like blowing my brains out from crowds, but hey, at least it’s an option, no? Drink of choice: Over priced white wine or whatever snuck in between my boobies.

4-Kickball: Yes, I’m one of “those” people that plays on an adult kickball league. What can I say? I love dressing up in a uniform (read: pink shirt, shortie shorts and knee socks) and it gives me a whole new crop of people to point and laugh at. Plus, if I were of the single variety, there’s a bunch of cute boys that play! A few of our girlies have found some fun little “distractions” on the kball field! Drink of choice: Anything mixed with Powerade. Gotta stay hydrated on the field, yo!

5- GREEN PIG’S ROOF TOP EXPANSION – Yes, you heard right, ladies. The Green Pig is opening a roof top bar. It’s going to be a thing of beauty! I can’t wait to sip on environmentally friendly drinks with you ladies there all summer.  Drink of Choice: To be invented for us… It’s going to be green, it’s going to be strong and I think it should be called a Hybrid Holiday (or something of that nature).

Hybrid Holliday

Anywhoser. I know it’s supposed to be kind of shit-tay for the next couple days, but whatever, spring is springing and it going to be an awesome two seasons. My mouth is literally watering in anticipation!

Salut, cheers and stuff,
Bridget

And then Jesus told me not to drink…

Oh hey fellow Prius Drivers! How was your morning commute in the f’n snow? Utah always does this. Sunny, nice, capri’s, flip flops and then BLAM-O more snow than in January and February combined. Luckily our vehicle of choice handles pretty well in the snow (especially when it’s not getting plowed into by snow removal vehicles, right, Bianca?).

I made it to work safely in the Prius, but since Algebra took the day off (to be on the radio – again – hard, hard life being a ‘rock star’), he drove me and I was super grateful. Not because the Prius can’t handle the snow, but because my anxiety can’t handle the snow. I had a midterm last night, the first one since sophomore year of college and ever since then, my nerves have been shot.

So. Weekend recap? I’d love to give you one, but I can’t remember much of anything from about 8:30pm on Friday to 8:30 am on Sunday, but here’s what I can remember:

3:00 pm Friday: Took a half day of work and met Algebra and his cousin Stephen (name idea?) at Piper Down for a little mid day drinky-poo (drink of choice, Jack on the rocks baby, started Friday off right).

5:30 pm Friday: Went on a quest with the roomie to find my new fave WHIPPED CREAM VODKA. Quest successful (third liquor store).

{Intermission to shower and get ready for the night}

7:00 pm Friday:  Doorbell starts ringing with all the surprise guests for Algebra’s big 2-9 celebration. Start drinking copious amounts from shot glasses and blue & green polka dot cups (they were the manliest I could find, okay?)

8:00 pm Friday: Surprise limo shows up (GIANT, who knew they made limo’s so big?), pile into limo with the gang (approximately 15 people and 30 bottles of booze).

8:02 pm Friday: More drinking, this time, from the bottle.

8:45 pm Friday: Bianca, Bailey and I start singing sorority songs (all the naughty ones) and taking pulls from various bottles.

9:00 pm Friday: Where are we? Did we make it to Wendover? Zzzzzzz…..

{Intermission for blackness}

4:00 am Saturday: Shower (very necessary after vomiting out of a limo window for upwards of 2 hours.

5:00 am Saturday:  Sleep.

12:30 pm Saturday: Wake for a waxing appointment.

1:30 pm Saturday: Back to sleep.

11:00 pm Saturday: Algebra wakes me up to see if I want to go to his show. YA RIGHT. Back to sleep.

8:00 am Sunday: Where did my weekend go and why does my freaking head still freaking hurt?

Yep. That about sums it up. So hopefully you gals can tell me how much fun you had in Wendover, my snooze in the limo while all the gambling was being had was pretty cozy, I’m not going to lie.

What will you do for beads today?

Sidenote: HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!! What are you girls giving up for lent? Algebra and I are giving up drinking booze. We’ve yet to decide if it’s all alcohol or just liquor (i.e. beer and wine might still be okay.) If you have any questions as to why we made that decision: see above.

 

Me no likey boozy,
Bridget

Sent from my iPad

Something is wrong with Utah adolescents

Hello ladies!
 
I feel like it has been decades since I have written you a proper email and I apologize. I have been recovering from February which involved way too many activities. I went from the Dew Tour at Snowbasin to being thrown into work. It has been traumatizing (not really, just going from working at home 5 hours a week to 20 hours in an “office” is a little trying.)
 
But really let’s back track. Dew Tour. I have never felt so looked up to by 13-18 year old boys in my life. Walking around with a backpack full of Mountain Dew, opening 300+ cans of Dew with my own bleeding fingers (code red, throwback, voltage, you name it I opened it). Gaggles of boys were seeing how many mini cups of Dew they could chug. They would say things like “he drank 75 of these last year,” like I should be impressed. Please. If it was a shot of vodka it would be a different story. Another part of the job was putting decals on helmets, snowboards, cell phones, etc. Parents would ask me what kind of training I had to put on stickers, because I was so good at it. It was really quite an accomplishment. After 4 days and $600 I still don’t know if it was worth it. My nails still haven’t grown back. And for some reason I feel like this had to be the most annoying stop of the Tour. Something is wrong with Utah adolecents.
 
Anyways on a completely different, yet still irritating Utah subject …how ‘bout Brandon Davies? If you live in Utah, let alone anywhere in America and haven’t heard about this you may live under a rock. The BYU mega-basketball star who was suspended for having premarital sex. How many other of the non-LDS players do you think are sitting there quivering in their boxer briefs that they are going to be outted, too? We all went to college, we all know they get play on and off the court. Everyone who goes to BYU is NOT a perfect little Mormon. But also who is the chick (his “girlfriend”?) who spilt the beans? I mean either way I guess he knew what he was signing up for when he went to that institution, no harsh words, but still I have to feel sorry for the kid.
 
I guess all in all I have to feel sorry for our state’s reputation. You never hear about the cool things that are happening here on the national news, only the weird shit. Sister wives, BYU, state guns…. we need a state image revamp and pronto. I’m sick of being in another city and someone mocking me for where I live. I mean yes they are ignorant, but still it’s because they probably don’t hear anything else. I mean I love living here and hate the remarks,  so why sit around. I think we should start the campaign.  Who’s up for it?
 
Making my top ten reasons I ❤ SL,UT,
Bailey