Tag Archives: relationships

A Xanax, a pep talk and finding my big girl panties…

Bailey,

Are you alive?

I thought you should know that yesterday I had a nervous break down of quite epic proportions. You see, it was my last day of finals and my professors graciously made everything due on the same day. At the beginning of the semester, everything seemed completely manageable… three projects? No problem! Complete web design? Bring. It. On. Research paper? In my sleep. You want a presentation? I’ll show you a presentation.

And then came the procrastination (as it always does) and I did nothing for the entire semester and found myself with 48 hours to finish everything to meet my five o’clock deadline (presentation and final) and midnight deadline (assignments and papers). I took most of Monday dicking around on facebook, re-starting this blog and doing *one* assignment. Whatever. I still had Tuesday and everything would be fine.

Note: For my personal use, I choose to use a mac (the computer of the gods). For work, I’m forced to use a PC (the computer of my dad who used ¬†“Steve Jobs is arrogant.” as his reasoning for not getting a mac, but that’s another story).

Anywho. I had to do a project in Captivate and it just so happens my PC has that software and my Mac does not.

Note: I could throw my mac out of a window into a pool and I wouldn’t lose a damn thing. If I look at my PC the wrong way, it shuts down.

I finished my one project of the day (which only took about four hours of total work time) and decided it was time to give my eyes a break from the computer and watch Conan. Just when I settled in to a comfy little monologue I hear the sound of my PC laptop CLOSING. WHAT?! THE?! #$%^?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Algebra closed my laptop (something about saving energy?!) and thereby erased all the work I had done. Of course then my stress and PMS kicked in and we got into a fight of epic proportions because I was being crazy and loud and mean (you know those fights where you’re right, he’s wrong, the relationship is fa sho over and hell no we’re not going to sleep because we’re going to stay up and yell).

This is pretty much what the breakdown looked like if I were Paris Hilton. Or, this is what Paris looks like when she attempts using a computer. You decide.

Tuesday rolled around, we were still pissed at each other, he went to work and I sat and cried in front of my computer screen. I outsourced part of my homework assignment to Bianca and told her about my break down. I told her I needed help, I couldn’t breathe, the world was crumbling and without an intervention I might “get back into bed and never graduate.”

Here is Bianca’s pep talk:

Ok. Come off the ledge, my friend. The beauty of a committed relationship is that you can be crazy and/or mean and are automatically forgiven. This time tomorrow you will have forgotten how stressed out you were! If he doesn’t know that you get irrationally angry when under deadline and pmsing, well then he just hasn’t been paying attention and that’s his fault. ūüėČ I’m sure he does his annoying, irrational shit too. It’s a part of life.
Like the obese woman down the hall from me just said about her new enema weight loss diet that is making her irritable (bowel joke), This too shall pass (also a bowel joke). You will finish all of your work, pass your classes with flying colors, and Algebra is going to love you forever. No matter how annoyed with him you may get.
And as Papa Vanderstappen always says, these are quality problems. You are stressed about grad school, but you are lucky to have the opportunity for higher education. You are stressed about Algebra, but lucky to have somebody to fight with. So voila! Off. Ledge.

And just like that, I put on mascara, a sun dress and my big girl panties and marched out the door to give my final presentation (with only minor eye puffiness from all the crying). The pep talk was just what I needed and Bianca’s part of my homework assignment turned out great, too.

Or perhaps it was the Xanax I took 30 minutes prior… either way, it worked.

Hugs, kisses and date night,
Bridget (and Algebra Forever)

Bianca,
I really couldn’t have survived yesterday without you and your pep talk (bowel jokes included). You saved my ass (bowel joke?). I really appreciate it.
Bridget

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Grandma’s relationship status = it’s complicated

Check this out,

So grandma’s are hipper than we give them credit for. Trust me. At least mine is, she scares me.

So while was I planning my March, figuring out when my Grandma Dixie’s 80th birthday party was I found myself on her Facebook page. I didn’t know what I would find, maybe some cute messages from my cousins or aunts? Well I was wrong. Grandma Dixie and her friend Grace were having one controversial conversation right there on¬†her¬†wall for all to see.

I had to share this without exposing her to the world, so please see below. She is one sassy g-mama and I can only hope to be juggling two men at her age, it’s more than I can say for myself at 25.

(Bianca, what would we do if Grandma V started dating again… I would die.)

And FYI Ross is her 90 year old boyfriend who was at my cousin’s wedding a year ago to the date, and John…I just don’t know. Must be a new stud who moved into the assisted living neighborhood.

Where’s the beef?,

-Bailey

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Happy Birthday, widespread panic.

Bianca and Bridget,

Guess what today is? The one month anniversary of December 19, 2010. And the two month anniversary of November 19, 2010. Isn’t that amazing? I know I can’t believe it, either. But seriously, ladies an anniversary just seems like an excuse for companies to publicize themselves and people to talk about themselves. One year ago I had no idea you two were sitting around doing this sort of thing (pseudo blogging), to be exact October 27th was the day I was introduced. I will be holding my own anniversary at that point in time. But I mean if everyone else is doing it, I guess why not jump on the bandwagon…examples below:

Retail shops: It’s all about the sales (half yearly anniversary sales as well.)
Cities: Celebrations, parades, special city logo (Sun Valley is 75 this year and will be publicizing it ALL year long.)
Humans: Relationship milestones because they can’t believe they’ve made it so far (six month anniversary is my favorite) and birthdays which we constantly lie about.

I Googled 2011 anniversaries and the results are in. Do you know who else you share an anniversary with this year? The 2500 anniversary of the marathon, you marathon runners should have known that one. Jeeps 70th, Peace Corp’s 50th, Widespread Panic’s 25th. And me!

If you and the boyfriends were celebrating monthly anniversaries I might have a problem with this whole celebration. But since you seem to have your milestones in check, I’ll let this one slide. So happy anniversary to us and our sneaky sneaky blog. Kicking ass since January ‘010 (and kicking more ass since October ‘010).

Off to pick out the perfect paper present (since that is the traditional gift),
Bailey

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Which New Years Girl Are You?

The blog below is our very first post. We reposted it since it’s relevant to the new year, and also because we’re feeling nostalgic (aw)¬†as we approach¬†the year anniversary of GirlsWithPriusEnvy.com¬†Happy New Year!

Hello Bridget!

How was your new years? I’m so glad I was in California. Coatless.

I know I say this every single year, but can we acknowledge this as the most overrated holiday ever? Put it in to perspective… Are we ever disappointed frolicking the streets of New York on St. Patty’s day? No. Are we ever disappointed whilst riding beach cruisers on our Nation’s Independence Day? Hell no! Poolside on Labor Day? NO. Halloween? I think you know the answer to that.

The expectations are the problem. We expect the epic night of the year, but all we end up with are pictures on facebook of how hot we looked after getting ready for three hours and disappointment. This country is filled with diverse women from all walks of life, but no matter who or where you are on New Years, the night always plays out the same. Regardless of who you are, you are one of the following girls on this horribly overrated holiday:

Girl #1: The girl who conveniently ends up in the bathroom stall at 11:58 p.m. This girl has scanned the bar all night for Mr. 12:01, but has come up empty handed. This girl can be heard saying, “Omg you guys, can you believe I missed the countdown in the bathroom, I’m so bummed!” Except she’s NOT bummed. She’s¬†very happy¬†she made it in to a stall instead of being stuck behind lip-locked strangers.

Which brings me to Girl #2: The lip-locked stranger. This girl is on a mission. She hasn’t had a boyfriend for the last few New Years’ and she’s not about to ring in another year couped up in a bathroom stall. She’s been scanning the bar all night for the right guy, but at 11:50 she’s still standing with her posse. Alone. This girl waits until the last minute to see who hasn’t paired up, then grabs the nearest guy and shares a smooch at the last second. Saved by the bell… This romance doesn’t last through Auld Sang Lyne.

Girl #3: The “lets just be with our girls tonight” girl. This girl is out with her single friends and is not about to be alone when they find a guy. If she’s sans man tonight you better believe so are the rest of her friends. She rings in the New Year with her posse in a big group hug. She can be heard saying, “We dont need guys, all we need is eachother!” This is immediately followed by a quick chug of wine, a roll of the eyes, and resentment from everyone within earshot. (This category has a sub category in the event Girl #3 drinks far too much in which the group hug is replaced with a big dirty group kiss. This is almost always documented, made viral and regretted).

Girl #4: The hopeless romantic. This girl started her night as Girl #3, hoping to be Girl #2, but lucks out and meets “THE ONE”. Keep in mind that all women are especially vulnerable on this ridiculous holiday, so it doesn’t take much for a man to charm the pants off one of us (literally). This girl meets this guy when he buys her a drink. He listens to her, shares her passion for astrology and cats, and makes out with her in to the wee hours of the new year. This girl can be heard saying, “I can’t believe how lucky I am that I met this amazing guy, it’s like a fairy tale!” Days later she can be heard saying.. “What a jerk.”

Girl #5: The girl in the relationship: She kisses her mate. There really are no more details in this story unless this is their first new years together in which case it is the most romantic night of her life. Thus, she wins… second place. The First place trophy goes to the girl who made the best decision and stayed home with Carson Daly.

Which brings me to the final and winningest woman, Girl #6: The girl who stayed home. She knows that New Years is over rated and would rather save her time and money than be alone in a bathroom stall, or kissing a stranger, or kissing someone who could’ve been “the one” but was really a stranger, or getting too drunk and kissing her friends… Instead this smart well-adjusted cookie gave herself a facial, mani AND pedi, got 8 hours of sleep, and started her New Years exercise resolution at 9:00 a.m. January 1, instead of¬†two months later.

In conclusion, It is my vow to ring in 2011 in the comfort of my own home and slippers. Preston and I had a great night but I can’t tell you how much money I spent. Never again…

Love and Prius,

Bianca

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“You had me at boloney sandwich”

Dear Bridget and Bailey,

Good morning to you both, I hope you’re having excellent mornings.

I know it’s old news, but I have become obsessed with the Kate Middleton and Prince William engagement. I just want to know all about her and how they met and why fate dealt her the winning lottery ticket of life.

Aw, lovely. Kate and William aren't too bad either.

Strangely though, I’m not jealous of her in the same way I was when Ryan Reynolds (he was voted the sexiest man alive yesterday, FYI) got together with that voluptuous Scarlett Johansson; which is totally ridiculous because she is incredibly gorgeous and a huge step up from Alanis Morissette*. Nothing against the 90’s angst queen, but let‚Äôs get real here.

I digress. So yes, Kate is the luckiest girl in all the Kingdom, but I feel like she is qualified to be a princess! If she isn’t the classiest most gorgeous girl in the world, I don’t know who is. Also, I love her fashions; she matched her outfit to her engagement ring. They met 100 years ago much like Preston and I. Although under different circumstances, of course (we had way less paparazzi than they did).

I first met Preston at a sorority event when their house came over to see a hypnotist/comedian. He got hypnotized and made a complete fool out of himself, but for me it was love at first sight. His reputation preceded him so I knew he was dating the president of the goody-two-shoes sorority, but I still had a big crush. Since he was taken, I flirted with one of his cute frat brothers, Peter (as in Peter-Pass-Around since all the DramaWhores have had their turn). This flirting led to more and I ended up dating Peter for a while.

Peter invited me to go to their Fraternity’s annual Lake trip which usually consisted of binge drinking, wake boarding and seriously dangerous (read: binge drinking) cliff jumping. I enthusiastically obliged. Unfortunately for Peter, my crush on Preston materialized on this trip. Their drunk friends ate all of my food, and Preston was nice enough to make me a sandwich from his own stash, where I learned that we liked the same cheese, and both had Invisalign retainers.

Later that summer I learned that Preston and his goody-two-shoes sorority president girlfriend had broken up. I knew this was my chance. I initiated the phase out with Peter, planned my big 20th birthday bash, and made sure to invite their entire fraternity (a sure way to make sure Preston showed up without actually having to personally invite him). He didn’t show and I ended up making out with my ex baseball boyfriend before passing out on the bathroom floor.

Preston had no idea how I felt about him, and I wasn’t about to tell him, so I chalked it up to it not being meant to be.

Then Monday rolled around and I ran in to him on campus making pancakes for student government. I built up the courage to go say hi and he was surprisingly excited to see me. He gave his friends their penis shaped pancakes and asked if I had any interest in coming to their School Girl party that weekend, and I said yes (duh, I am catholic).

I showed up with all of my friends in tiny skirts and tied up shirts, found some liquid courage (of the “jungle juice” everclear-roofie variety) and planted a kiss on Preston next to the beer pong table. I then ran away. (My naivety back then proved to work in my favor more than one would imagine.) I was stumbling in to the sorority house when I got a text from him that read: “I’ve had a thing for you ever since I made you that sandwich on the lake.”

Soon after that we fell in love. ‚̧

It never really bothered Peter that Preston and I started dating and they’re still really good friends. Although he’s still pretty unlucky in love, poor guy.

So yeah, Preston and I are pretty much just like Kate and William, minus a few tiny details. Our future engagement might not get as much publicity, but whatever.

Nothing says love quite like Beer Pong and Pancake Dongs,
Bianca.

*Did you know that You Oughta Know is about Uncle Joey (Dave Coulier)?! Seriously!

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