Tag Archives: girls

Twenty Middle Plus One

Oh hey there Bianca and Bailey!

How are my two favorite partners in crime? Our lack of blogging seriously disturbs me and has truly worried out gal (pen) pals at Cocktails at Tiffany’s (sorry ladies, we’re trying, I promise!). They even played virtual Marco Polo to find us. But like the master himself, Waldo, we’re still kind of lost (in the blogging world, career path place and on boot buying blvd).

It was great hanging out with you ladies on Saturday night. I love our impromptu pub crawls. They’re always just the perfect length (since we set the rules) and it was the perfect way to celebrate our good friend’s twenty middle plus one birthday. (Bianca-thanks for sharing your feather earrings with Algebra, er, Bear Paw, that was totally necessary.)

{Picture me floating through a worm hole from right now to a year ago from now}

Aw, the good ol days. Last year. All we could email about was how afraid we were to turn twenty middle. Le sigh. Your twenty middle plus one birthday has come and gone (unblogged about, sad. I heard there was a no pants party?) which means it’s my turn. Whatev. I feel like it’s not even a big deal. There’s so much going on that I couldn’t tell you what day of the week my birthday is. I think it’s a Tuesday? Wednesday? Anyway. We’re heading to Mile High with QDW to celebrate like we did for my Twenty Middle Minus One birthday and I feel like it will be a great little girl’s weekend to bring in the fall (and craziness that will ensue).

Craziness Ahead:
-Football season continues (Pac 12 what? Pass me a 12 pack, I’ll be tailgating)
-Algebra’s band plays The Big Ass Show (Seriously, that’s what it’s really called)
-Halloween (Costume ideas, anyone?)
-Thanksgiving (Bridget in Denver. Bailey in ?. Bianca in ?)
-Fall Semester Wraps Up (Bridget’s next to last, prepare to call her Master Bridget or Master Bates, whichever)
-Bianca finishes the book Bridget gave her and decides on a career path which takes her abroad to Bangladesh and she narrowly misses Bridget’s wedding (at which point Bridget regrets giving her the book in the first place)
-Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Ramadan(?)
-Bridget’s Wedding
-New Years
-2012
-World Ends.

Seems like a lot of craziness, but since the list (not me) brought up the wedding, I can talk about it. It’s three months away. Seriously. Look at a calendar. Three months (ok, three months and two days, but whoa). How did that sneak up on us? Let me put it in perspective for you: Approximately three months ago it was the fourth of July.

{Pause for everyone to regain consciousness}

I thought I had everything pretty “planned and together.” But now, I’m thinking not so much. Even worse, I don’t know the things that I still haven’t done. Sh!t.

Gotta go.

Hitting theknot.com so they can tell me how behind I am,
Bridget

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BAILEY IS ALIVE!

Girls,
I apologize profusely for sucking at emailing lately. Bridget, I am so sorry about your loss but I’m glad it worked out. Seriously that feeling is the worst. Bianca is the best to go to in those “see the brighter side of things” situations. That is unless she is in need of one, in that case there is no positive outcome, but that’s another story.

Anyway I know I have been extremely MIA, and I honestly have no great reason. Yes, I have had a few vacations to Sun Valley & Napa but it’s not like I’m backpacking through Thailand or something (btw when can we do that?). The farthest I have made it is Canada. Which I is just like ‘Merica just a little bit worse. I’m off to Vegas this weekend, Montana the next and then California. I hope I can get in some qbt (quality blogging time) with my fav Prius ladies.

Once all my Thurs-Mon adventures are over, it’s September…wtf! I swear the three of us haven’t even had a chance to get day drunk yet. Maybe someday next week? Bianca you might have to take a late lunch and call out because you got salmonella from your turkey burger (there’s a crazy recall, check it out). Then the day will be ours. We will be cruising around on our cruisers (I haven’t even used mine yet, it’s all about the intense street biking these days…bored). We will look back and say, man that was an awesome Wednesday. I’m serious about this, not just saying it for the sake of our blog.  We won’t regret it…

Let's day drink and ride bikes, but not like this guy...

So what do you think? I’m totally open next Tuesday or Wednesday after 4pm. Bridget/Bailey – this WILL happen. I miss you both dearly and don’t hate me for having too horrible of ADHD to sit down and write a blog. Anyone have some medication I can try?
 
Guest Blogger,
Bailey

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Weight, Weight… Don’t Tell Me

Good morning, ladies!
 
I would like to start off by apologizing for my lack of communication this past month. I was out of town 3 out of the 4 weekends in April and finally have my routine back on track (perfect timing considering I’m going on another week-long vacation in 10 days). I haven’t even been home long enough to report any news! (Except that Bin Laden was killed… In case you hadn’t heard that yet.)
 
What I have noticed in the short time I’ve been home, however, is how this time of year always brings out the crazy in our friends. With swimsuit season around the corner we have girls on 800 calorie-per-day diets, no carb diets, even ‘detoxing body wraps’ all in an effort to look hot in a swimsuit. The sad part is that none of us are fat. Not even close. And screwing with the natrual process of eating like a normal person and digesting like a normal person has made every one of the DramaWhores a completely irrational psycho. 
 
QDW was cheated on by her idiot boyfriend who also told her she was stupid. Well guess what, he’s bald and bi-polar and not even close to good enough for her. But because she is literally lacking the energy and calories needed to make a decision like egging his car and bashing him on the internet, she continues the rollercoaster ride that is her nightmare of a relationship. But hey, her arms look skinny and that’s all that matters. 
 
The Asian is having a complete quarter-life crisis. She’s in love with a guy she used to date who broke her heart who now has a serious girlfriend. She can’t figure out why it’s not working. Her diet is of the self-loathing variety consisting of Weinerschnitzel corn dogs and ice cream. It’s a vicious cycle. 
 
The Amazon is 6 feet tall and weighs 140 lbs. Her body is beautiful, but she thinks she’s fat. I’m pretty sure she suffers from that thing we learned about in 8th grade where she looks in the mirror and sees a fat person even though she is a ridiculously skinny person. She’s a blonde Kenyan.
 
Bailey, you are one of those rare people who have a healthy body image. I usually give the credit to the mom’s, but this time I’m going to give it to you because your mom and my mom were raised by the same woman and I have heard all three of them say the following: “Have you tried the cabbage soup diet?”, and “How’s your weight?”, and “You should go to the gym instead of watching Hoarders”. 
 
I would say that I also fall under that healthy body image category but I would be lying. I’m not as crazy as the DramaWhores but I’ve tried my share of diets, detoxes and boot camp. I’d mention what I was up to right now but I’d rather save myself the effort of scanning my GNC recipt. 
 
Bridget, you are a woman on a mission trying to get to “wedding dress weight”, and while I think you (and all other brides) are crazy, I understand. So I’m going to look away while you diet your way down the aisle.
 
The list of crazy goes on but if I told you all of it this would be a sad, sad novel. I want to shake our friends (us) sometimes and have them look in the reality mirror. They are all beautiful, intelligent and accomplished women who have everything going for them. What their butts look like in a string bikini has no bearing on their worth. And as fas as the single ones are concerned, if they are meeting guys who are only interested in their butts, they have bigger problems.
 
Anyway…In a month from today we’re headed to Vegas! I’m thinking I’ll try the no-carb, no-dairy, master cleanse cookie 200-cal/day HCG, fruit and veggie Kim Kardashian Sensa…

-Bianca

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Springtime in the City of Salt

Twat is up, girls?! I hope your week is off to an awesome start! I know mine is! There is already talk of Friday Fiestas and this girl is s-t-o-k-e-d!

I swear the slightest sparkle of sunlight has everyone rejuvenated and excited for spring and summer. I mean, sure, it snowed yesterday, but beyond a few whiny Facebook posts, it hasn’t seemed to be too much of a problem! The snow is melting, my seeds are growing (yes, I planted flowers from SEEDS, how domestic of me, eh?) and everyone is in a super positive mood. I am loving it!

I know that the spike in vitamin D is part of the reason for everyone’s mood influx, but a mere increase in a silly little vitamin can’t be the only change, right? Right. Here’s my 8 degrees of why everyone is in a good mood (this is by no means a stretch):
1- When it is spring you’re usually not freezing your ass off when you’re outside.
2- So you go outside and your run around and play.
3- Since you’re spending so much more time running around and playing you get skinnier.
4-Now that you’re skinnier (and warm) you put on way cuter outfits that the drab shit you’ve been donning with your Uggs all winter.
5- When you look good, you feel good (thanks, Dion), and since you’re baring more skin in the sun, you get tanner.
6- Tanner=hotter (sorry, skin cancer society, it’s science!)
7-When you’re hotter more people want to hang out with you (sorry ugly people, again, it’s science.)
8-When you’re hanging out with hot and fun and wonderful people, what are you usually doing? THAT’S RIGHT! YOU ARE DRINKING A DELICIOUS AND COLORFUL DRINK AT SOME OUTDOOR LOCATION.

It all comes back to booze, my friends, and here are my top favorite SLC places to enjoy some spring and summer bevs. (No, I’m not teetering on alcoholism, friends. I’ve just held true to giving up the booze for lent and I’m kind starting to get the craving. Mmmm… Mimosas, margaritas and mojitos, OH MY!)

1-Gracies: Once a scary meat market in winter (complete is bejeweled man denim) turns into a super awesome patio par-tay during spring and summer. Drink of choice: Ask Sam for a ManWhore.

2-Spring Mobile Field: What may be one of the most poorly named ballparks in the US of A is a lovely place to spend spring afternoon and summer evenings. Drink of choice: Dur. Beer. Thirsty Thursday rocks my world. Note: If you get hit in the head with a fly ball you get free beer the rest of the season. Yes, I know from experience. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

3-Summer Concert Series: Wa-hoo! Back at the Gallivan Center this year. There’s nothing I love more than free concerts and free love in the summer. SLC hippies do their best to come out in full force for the concert series and I do my best to avoid the smell of their sometime sketchy dreds. Sure, I usually only make it to a few of the concerts before I feel like blowing my brains out from crowds, but hey, at least it’s an option, no? Drink of choice: Over priced white wine or whatever snuck in between my boobies.

4-Kickball: Yes, I’m one of “those” people that plays on an adult kickball league. What can I say? I love dressing up in a uniform (read: pink shirt, shortie shorts and knee socks) and it gives me a whole new crop of people to point and laugh at. Plus, if I were of the single variety, there’s a bunch of cute boys that play! A few of our girlies have found some fun little “distractions” on the kball field! Drink of choice: Anything mixed with Powerade. Gotta stay hydrated on the field, yo!

5- GREEN PIG’S ROOF TOP EXPANSION – Yes, you heard right, ladies. The Green Pig is opening a roof top bar. It’s going to be a thing of beauty! I can’t wait to sip on environmentally friendly drinks with you ladies there all summer.  Drink of Choice: To be invented for us… It’s going to be green, it’s going to be strong and I think it should be called a Hybrid Holiday (or something of that nature).

Hybrid Holliday

Anywhoser. I know it’s supposed to be kind of shit-tay for the next couple days, but whatever, spring is springing and it going to be an awesome two seasons. My mouth is literally watering in anticipation!

Salut, cheers and stuff,
Bridget

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