Tag Archives: Birth Control

Wahhhhh! What’s wrong with me?!

Hey girls and happy fridizzle,

So, as you know, I’ve recently switched forms of birth control. I went from an IUD (which I loved and adored and never thought about) to The Pill. I haven’t really noticed a difference (now that I’m used to taking the blasted thing every day), but ever since I started taking The Pill, the WORLD HAS TURNED AGAINST ME. Yes, that’s right. The world. Everyone hates me. Algebra is constantly trying to hurt my feelings. I have no friends. I’m fat. My life sucks.

Wait a second… could this weepy, sensitive subhuman I’ve turned into be because of a new substance I’m putting into my body? I’ve been like this for approximately 8 weeks. I’ve been taking The Pill approximately 8 weeks. Coincidence? I think not. But until my gyno and I can arrange a time to meet up, I’m stuck with this blasted thing.

At least I’m aware of it now so I can try and control psycho self.

In case you were wondering, here’s a list of things that I’ve cried over since this blasted thing has taken over my soul:
-Spilled milk (swear to God)
-Sylvan commercials
-My friends being nice to me
-A Fiona Apple song (Paper Bag – so awesome, but tears, really?!)
-Algebra asking why I was being sensitive
-Being called a racist (this one is warranted, right?)
-One of my students being suspended (I won’t get to see him again this year :-()
-A Maya Angelou Poem
-My internet not working
-Rewriting my resume
-A polynesian dance assembly

Seriously? I need an appointment with my gyno or a therapist stat. In other devastating news (actually this time), my childhood dog might have some sort of crazy heart problem (at least it’s not cancer like we thought). Maybe I can cover all my silly tears with actual tears on this one (even if I am crying because I can’t find a matching shoe).



Filed under Bridget

Unruly children and other forms of birth control.

Hello Gals,
Bridget, in response to your e-mail yesterday about being young and fabulous yet somehow baby hungry, I would like you to watch this video and remember why we are in fact twenty-middle and single:   

Many thanks to Bailey for showing me and letting me hijack this video as my own.
I am not baby hungry. In fact, I am quite the opposite.
While waiting for a table at a Sushi restaurant the other night I was jumped by two unruly children. The girl who was about six years-old not only had a cold consisting of bleeding lips and green snot but was also seriously angry at her five year-old brother. She used my lap as leverage to kick him in the shoulder and face while she screamed at the top of her lungs. (You know the kind. The shrill, loud, almost high-pitched enough to be a dog whistle kind of scream.) This in turn made the little brother scream in the same pitch and hit her back. Except that she was in my lap and he was five with bad aim so was open-hand smacking me in the face.
This went on the entire time I was waiting for a table which means the parents didn’t come to check on their kids or attempt to find them for over 20 minutes.
When I was seated I finally found the adults responsible for creating these little monsters. It’s no wonder they couldn’t keep track of their two ill and violent children, they had four more ruthless heathens. I know it’s America and we’re entitled to have whatever kind of family we want (unless you’re gay, of course), but I believe that if you can’t handle the kids you already have, you shouldn’t be having more.
It might be Utah that I have the problem with and not the innocent children (whom which most are adorable). This place is as unique as it is sectarian. Most families in other states have smaller more manageable families that I can relate to. Perhaps if I were subject to that more often than the hyper-families of the Beehive State, I might change my tune (and biological clock) a little.
With that said, I want to have children of my own some day.

I know that to mothers everywhere I sound like a snobby and pretentious brat. And in all likelihood when I am a mother, I will read a blog from a twenty something who is cursing unruly children and think that she is a snobby and pretentious brat, too.
Two things I’ve heard about mother hood that I can actually agree with: 1: You don’t understand until you’re a mother and 2: The only children you can tolerate are your own. Because of those two truths, I am looking forward to motherhood and having a happy little family. 
I also have two truths of my own: 1: I’m not ready for kids yet and 2: I’m not bringing my kids to a sushi restaurant until they’re old enough use chopsticks.
Thankful Snowball doesn’t need daycare,

Photo courtesy of Jill Greenberg: End of Times, “Trillions”
Video courtesy of  Emma Melissa Ryan


Filed under Bianca

Wanting kids, not students… they’re totally different.

Dearest Bailey and Bianca,

Greetings from a mess in my classroom. My students got new computers last week and as a “team building” experience I had them pack up the old ones, unbox the new ones and setup their new work stations (read: eye still twitching). Turns out 10-year-olds + new expensive computer equipment = stressed the eff out. On top of that the semester just started and I ever so brilliantly (NOT) decided this would be the perfect time to re-organize my classroom and move my teacher’s desk.

I can’t find anything. I had to be observed today on my student’s “organizational skills.” HA! Luckily for me, they actually picked students that had it together because at the moment, their teacher did not!

So ever since Algebra and I got our little puppy (still sucking my time, energy and sleep even after 3 weeks) I can’t help thinking about if we had an actual child (instead of the dog variety). I mean, Algebra is nearing 30, we both have awesome (?) careers as teachers that provide ample time off (I did the math, I work less that half the 365 days in a year) and we’re handling the dog child so well.

I mean, we have the dog routine down. Why couldn’t we handle a real baby? (Yes, I’m ignoring the hours of 8 to 3 when little Wiener is in his kennel, but whatever.)

In case you’re wondering if I am ignoring some vital steps in the “normal” process by which relationships happen (dating, ENGAGEMENT, MARRIAGE, then children) you’re exactly right. I’m ignoring it. I don’t know that I want that whole marriage thing right now in my life. So, babies are the next step in my mind.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but really, having a baby is starting to sound logical. I’m not sure if I’ve just talked my self into it or if my biological clock is coercing me into feeling this way – but dude, I’m totally serious. I’m wondering if you two need to set up some kind of “friendtervention” for me or something.

Don’t worry too much – I have a semi-permanent form of birth control firmly in place until January 2012 and I’m not completely (baby) crazy – I still want to finish grad school first. Just saying. It’s all I can think about (Hey! Maybe that’s what is causing my twitching eye and not my students. Maybe.)

Also, Bianca, it doesn’t help that I heard YOU (formerly scared sh*tless of the idea of having kids) say, “I could date someone who didn’t want to get married, but I definitely couldn’t date someone who didn’t want kids.”

Wondering if my delusions are caused from puppy sleep torture,


Filed under Bridget