Tag Archives: Wedding

I got an update for ya…

-I got married.

Algebra and I went through with it! We tied the knot in December 2011. It was perfect. All of Algebra’s friends and fam were in from Chicago and all the DramaWhores were there and on best behavior. After the nuptials, toasts and dancing we all went to the bar where Algebra and I met, conveniently located across the street from the venue. I went in my wedding dress, everyone drank too much and my mom was kicked out of the bar.

I told you it was perfect.

-I got pregnant.

Algebra and I decided that we’d be ready for a new addition to our family – and not another dog! My doc told me it could take a year for a healthy couple to get knocked up and that there’s only ONE day a month you can actually conceive (Did you know that?).

We decided to start trying earlier than anticipated since it might take awhile.

Two weeks later…

I think that’s all the details you’d like.

-I got my Masters.

Finally. Finished.

It was long and boring and I had to make many websites using HTML coding. I can’t talk about it more than that.

-I got a new job.

I had to give up teaching my amazing fourth graders to teach teachers how to use technology in their classrooms. Now, I spend my days surrounded by iDevices and troubleshooting. Playing on my iPhone is encouraged. It’s amazing (especially right now as I’m on maternity leave).

-I got (had?) a baby. 

He’s perfect. Labor and delivery were terrible. Terrible. But that’s another story for another blog.

The little nugget’s name is Mayor Ted as he now runs my entire world. Being a mom is different than I expected, harder, but I do love it and I’m learning so much.

Xo,

Mama

Shit, I mean Bridget

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Prius Envy Returns (Sorry for being Slack-Asses)

Reasons why we have been total slackers:
– Bizarrely cloudless summer = no time for inside activities. i.e. blogging.
– Toddlers and Tiaras marathon
– Rolling Blackouts
– Dancing on stage with Katy Perry
– Sleeping in is tiring.
– Balancing Margarita Monday and Tequila Tuesday (or was that Thursday?)
– DVR trumps Blog on hungover mornings. – TV plays itself, Blog does not write itself.
– Dream job hunting is very time consuming. Have yet to hear back from E! to be Seacrest’s co-anchor; or from Conde Nast to be it’s exotic island critic; or from Sauza to be it’s margarita taster… but am still waiting diligently by phone.
– Laziness and a general sense of writers block.
Update on Bianca’s life:
Had the opportunity to take a sh*tty job for sh*tty pay in hot-as-balls Arizona for a real sh*t eating jerk of a boss or take a hefty severance package. Turned down the incredible opportunity I was on the fence about to take the severance… yet still very much employed. Preston is making a 1-year plan while I’m learning different feet-dragging tactics. Divorced parents are both single for the first time in 10 years and considering another run at it. Traveling a lot to escape all of the above yet still very much enjoying the ride. Summer rules. Winter droools. Y’all are fools.
Update on Bridget’s life:
Summer break has been kicking ass by totally not kicking ass of any kind. I’ve done practically nothing. I mean, trips here and there, the whole wedding thing is planned and I’m almost finished with my third to last semester of grad school, but really, lots of sleeping. Naps have been my past time. I sleep in bed, by the pool, in the pool, on the lawn and definitely in front of the television. Biggest accomplishment: I finished some great (non school related) books and two seasons Dexter. Who’s winning now, Charlie Sheen? Oh. And I lost 8 (glorious) pounds (gaining them back as I type, even though I’m currently doing Bianca’s Magical Cleanse) and bought THE Wedding Dress.

Zzzzzz.....

Update on Bailey’s life:
No update because Bailey is still enjoying the most epic summer of all time that we’re all jealous of… Bailey… when you read this, send word, text, email or pigeon that you’re okay and still having an awesome time.
Readers: If you’re still out there. Sorry for sucking so hard at emailing. We promise to be better as summer gives way to fall. Forgive us?
Much-o Love-o,
The Girls with Prius Envy

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Weight, Weight… Don’t Tell Me

Good morning, ladies!
 
I would like to start off by apologizing for my lack of communication this past month. I was out of town 3 out of the 4 weekends in April and finally have my routine back on track (perfect timing considering I’m going on another week-long vacation in 10 days). I haven’t even been home long enough to report any news! (Except that Bin Laden was killed… In case you hadn’t heard that yet.)
 
What I have noticed in the short time I’ve been home, however, is how this time of year always brings out the crazy in our friends. With swimsuit season around the corner we have girls on 800 calorie-per-day diets, no carb diets, even ‘detoxing body wraps’ all in an effort to look hot in a swimsuit. The sad part is that none of us are fat. Not even close. And screwing with the natrual process of eating like a normal person and digesting like a normal person has made every one of the DramaWhores a completely irrational psycho. 
 
QDW was cheated on by her idiot boyfriend who also told her she was stupid. Well guess what, he’s bald and bi-polar and not even close to good enough for her. But because she is literally lacking the energy and calories needed to make a decision like egging his car and bashing him on the internet, she continues the rollercoaster ride that is her nightmare of a relationship. But hey, her arms look skinny and that’s all that matters. 
 
The Asian is having a complete quarter-life crisis. She’s in love with a guy she used to date who broke her heart who now has a serious girlfriend. She can’t figure out why it’s not working. Her diet is of the self-loathing variety consisting of Weinerschnitzel corn dogs and ice cream. It’s a vicious cycle. 
 
The Amazon is 6 feet tall and weighs 140 lbs. Her body is beautiful, but she thinks she’s fat. I’m pretty sure she suffers from that thing we learned about in 8th grade where she looks in the mirror and sees a fat person even though she is a ridiculously skinny person. She’s a blonde Kenyan.
 
Bailey, you are one of those rare people who have a healthy body image. I usually give the credit to the mom’s, but this time I’m going to give it to you because your mom and my mom were raised by the same woman and I have heard all three of them say the following: “Have you tried the cabbage soup diet?”, and “How’s your weight?”, and “You should go to the gym instead of watching Hoarders”. 
 
I would say that I also fall under that healthy body image category but I would be lying. I’m not as crazy as the DramaWhores but I’ve tried my share of diets, detoxes and boot camp. I’d mention what I was up to right now but I’d rather save myself the effort of scanning my GNC recipt. 
 
Bridget, you are a woman on a mission trying to get to “wedding dress weight”, and while I think you (and all other brides) are crazy, I understand. So I’m going to look away while you diet your way down the aisle.
 
The list of crazy goes on but if I told you all of it this would be a sad, sad novel. I want to shake our friends (us) sometimes and have them look in the reality mirror. They are all beautiful, intelligent and accomplished women who have everything going for them. What their butts look like in a string bikini has no bearing on their worth. And as fas as the single ones are concerned, if they are meeting guys who are only interested in their butts, they have bigger problems.
 
Anyway…In a month from today we’re headed to Vegas! I’m thinking I’ll try the no-carb, no-dairy, master cleanse cookie 200-cal/day HCG, fruit and veggie Kim Kardashian Sensa…

-Bianca

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Bridget+Algebra=Engaged

Bianca and Bailey,

Sorry it’s been so long without an email, I don’t feel too badly though, because I haven’t heard from your girlies either! Well, via email, I’ve seen lots of you in real life (imagine that) and we’ve spoken lots via all forms of iPhone communication.

So. I don’t know how to start on this because I’m not usually one for sappy lovey doveyness, but ladies, I’M ENGAGED! Algebra popped the question over Spring Break (yep, I love my job, I have a spring break and am getting dangerously near to a big summer break).

We’ve tentatively set a date for December 29th of this year which means I am currently under 8 months away from THE DAY. I’m doing my best to not become one of those girls where they get engaged and then the wedding planning consumes all forms of life and it’s all they talk about (but I realize I’m already failing). I’ve tried to set a few rules for myself.

1- Stop staring at my engagement ring when other people can see me. (I NEVER wear finger jewelry at all and this damn thing is pretty shiny. It’s a hazard while driving.)
2-Do NOT bring up wedding plans (unless there is a DIRE emergency and opinions are needed) unless someone else brings it up first.
3-Never say the word fiancé. Sorry girls, Algebra is still my boyfriend and he will be until he’s my husband. Fiancé sounds stupid coming out of my mouth (unless I’m in Vegas pretending to be French).

With under 8 months to go, it’s likely that I’ll be breaking my rule #2 (like I am right now) on a fairly consistent basis. Le sigh.

Wedding planning emergency #1: WHERE THE HELL DO I START? Any guidance anyone can give me in this region will be gratefully accepted. Bianca, thanks so much for signing up for all the wedding newsletters for me.

Since I am a self proclaimed nerd, the first thing I did was claim the URL bridgetandalgebra.com and start a wedding website (just for the basic information and so I don’t have to take any paper RSVP’s, I mean, I drive a Prius, my wedding will have as little impact on the environment as possible). Sure, I don’t have any information to put up on the website, but it exists and I’ve done something for the wedding and that’s all that matters to me. Any progress counts, right?

Note: While I’m engaged and even after the wedding I still plan on having girl’s night more than once a week and going out just like we do now. If I stop getting invited to the bar or themed house parties, I will give new meaning to bridezilla. Got it, betches?

Trying to dodge the sappy and refusing to even look at wedding dresses until I drop 10 pounds,
Bridget

PS-When do I need to order one of those dresses by, anyway? Eph.

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Engaged or Enraged? Which are you this holiday season?

Bianca and Bridget,

I am going to start off this email by saying if you are going to get engaged or break-up with your significant others before the end of this month, I don’t think we can be friends. I don’t know what it is about 2010, but I didn’t know I had this many friends who I thought were even capable of getting married and/or breaking-up in general.

I mean, 2010 was the year of sorority friends all over to get married. Is it because we are now 25+? Must be because 7 girls got engaged this year. Luckily I think I only have to go to FOUR weddings next summer, all of them being out of state or the f-ing country. I can’t wait and am SO happy for these girls, but I just don’t understand how one is supposed to fund all this. Dress for the wedding, wedding present, bachelorette, flight, hotel, blah blah blah…I need a Xanax just thinking about it. I mean for real though, where the F was my memo that in my mid-20’s I would need a few grand to spend jetting off to these occasions? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be great at the wedding and have the time of my life. I’m a conservative dancer, social drinker, can talk to anyone…just a little frazzled.  Hopefully I have this whole procedure down before you two take the leap, I honestly am going track each itinerary to make sure I find the best method. I will be a pro. Promise.

On the other hand, all the single ladies. It is rare you will find girls our age have a big single girl posse. Well ladies and gentleman, I feel one forming. Who would want to break-up right at Christmas? Well it seems like half the girls I hang out with. Is it like the itch to just be free? Maybe it’s just the reaction of their significant other not wanted to take the plunge. Either way, I’m not complaining I think it’s fun when there is a big girl posse to roll with, but it is also scary if comes along an eligible bachelor. Take cover…some of these girls are frisky.

Not only are my friends going through this cycle of either tying the knot or kicking their partner in the curb, but celebrities too. They are just like us! This week alone Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johanson & Zach Ephron/Vanessa Hudgens called it quits while Nicole Riche/Joel Madden (her dress was AMAZING) & Hulk Hogan/his random blonde slut of the month (their wedding got interrupted by a BEACH BRAWL?) got hitched! I have to say I am quite pleased with all the happenings – minus the Hulk I could honestly care less about him.

Anyway my unmarried but in a committed relationship but still can go out and have fun friends, that is that. In all honesty, if one more of my friends gets engaged and decides to have a wedding next year b/t Memorial Weekend and Labor Day I am going to have to become a hooker.

Off to David’s Bridal,
Bailey

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The Knot, not.

A Thirsty Thursday to you both:

Just kidding, I’m still detoxing. Preston and I went to dinner last night at Vinto (Bailey, thank you for the recommend, it was delicious) and even taking a sip of his beer almost gave me a third hangover. If it weren’t for Bailey’s cocktail party this weekend, I would be on the wagon until Christmas. It’s on the wagon, right… Or does on the wagon mean you’re on the booze train like a fun bus? Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely excited for the party. I was just looking forward to giving my liver a break. Then again, who am I kidding, drinking in cocktail dresses is what we do best. (We need new hobbies.)

So in WTF news, I just got an e-mail from The Knot with the subject line: 9 months to go! 9 months to go until what, my wedding? Ha! At first I thought it was spam, but after scrolling down the page past the articles How to pick your bridesmaids and Why wedding cakes are out, I saw the date for this mystery wedding… This isn’t spam. I did this. It’s not a coincidence that the date for this thing is the anniversary of Preston and my first date. That means that shortly after we started dating, creepy 20-year-old me got on to theknot.com and set a date for our future wedding. I even picked out wedding dresses I liked (I know, I threw up in my mouth a little, too). Really, former self?

Did younger, more romantic me really want to be married at 25? What changed from then until now that I have a different view on marriage? My parents were just as divorced then as they are now, I was just as in love with Preston then as I am now, what’s wrong with me? I can’t even figure out if 20-year-old me had the problem, or if it’s future me. And why are wedding cakes out?

Maybe younger Bianca thought I would have made it by now and that marriage would naturally be the next step after finding my passion, climbing the corporate ladder and curing cancer while on a trip to Indonesia. Unfortunately, she was wrong. I don’t think we ever get there, which is awesome. Because when you’ve made it, where else is there to go?

That’s a sweet idea, but the likeliest story is that 25 probably sounded really old to my 20-year-old self, and planned her future wedding accordingly.

Moral of the story, I’m not getting married in 9 months.

Thinking of entering the Free Honeymoon contest,

-Bianca

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