Tag Archives: Utah

Springtime in the City of Salt

Twat is up, girls?! I hope your week is off to an awesome start! I know mine is! There is already talk of Friday Fiestas and this girl is s-t-o-k-e-d!

I swear the slightest sparkle of sunlight has everyone rejuvenated and excited for spring and summer. I mean, sure, it snowed yesterday, but beyond a few whiny Facebook posts, it hasn’t seemed to be too much of a problem! The snow is melting, my seeds are growing (yes, I planted flowers from SEEDS, how domestic of me, eh?) and everyone is in a super positive mood. I am loving it!

I know that the spike in vitamin D is part of the reason for everyone’s mood influx, but a mere increase in a silly little vitamin can’t be the only change, right? Right. Here’s my 8 degrees of why everyone is in a good mood (this is by no means a stretch):
1- When it is spring you’re usually not freezing your ass off when you’re outside.
2- So you go outside and your run around and play.
3- Since you’re spending so much more time running around and playing you get skinnier.
4-Now that you’re skinnier (and warm) you put on way cuter outfits that the drab shit you’ve been donning with your Uggs all winter.
5- When you look good, you feel good (thanks, Dion), and since you’re baring more skin in the sun, you get tanner.
6- Tanner=hotter (sorry, skin cancer society, it’s science!)
7-When you’re hotter more people want to hang out with you (sorry ugly people, again, it’s science.)
8-When you’re hanging out with hot and fun and wonderful people, what are you usually doing? THAT’S RIGHT! YOU ARE DRINKING A DELICIOUS AND COLORFUL DRINK AT SOME OUTDOOR LOCATION.

It all comes back to booze, my friends, and here are my top favorite SLC places to enjoy some spring and summer bevs. (No, I’m not teetering on alcoholism, friends. I’ve just held true to giving up the booze for lent and I’m kind starting to get the craving. Mmmm… Mimosas, margaritas and mojitos, OH MY!)

1-Gracies: Once a scary meat market in winter (complete is bejeweled man denim) turns into a super awesome patio par-tay during spring and summer. Drink of choice: Ask Sam for a ManWhore.

2-Spring Mobile Field: What may be one of the most poorly named ballparks in the US of A is a lovely place to spend spring afternoon and summer evenings. Drink of choice: Dur. Beer. Thirsty Thursday rocks my world. Note: If you get hit in the head with a fly ball you get free beer the rest of the season. Yes, I know from experience. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

3-Summer Concert Series: Wa-hoo! Back at the Gallivan Center this year. There’s nothing I love more than free concerts and free love in the summer. SLC hippies do their best to come out in full force for the concert series and I do my best to avoid the smell of their sometime sketchy dreds. Sure, I usually only make it to a few of the concerts before I feel like blowing my brains out from crowds, but hey, at least it’s an option, no? Drink of choice: Over priced white wine or whatever snuck in between my boobies.

4-Kickball: Yes, I’m one of “those” people that plays on an adult kickball league. What can I say? I love dressing up in a uniform (read: pink shirt, shortie shorts and knee socks) and it gives me a whole new crop of people to point and laugh at. Plus, if I were of the single variety, there’s a bunch of cute boys that play! A few of our girlies have found some fun little “distractions” on the kball field! Drink of choice: Anything mixed with Powerade. Gotta stay hydrated on the field, yo!

5- GREEN PIG’S ROOF TOP EXPANSION – Yes, you heard right, ladies. The Green Pig is opening a roof top bar. It’s going to be a thing of beauty! I can’t wait to sip on environmentally friendly drinks with you ladies there all summer.  Drink of Choice: To be invented for us… It’s going to be green, it’s going to be strong and I think it should be called a Hybrid Holiday (or something of that nature).

Hybrid Holliday

Anywhoser. I know it’s supposed to be kind of shit-tay for the next couple days, but whatever, spring is springing and it going to be an awesome two seasons. My mouth is literally watering in anticipation!

Salut, cheers and stuff,
Bridget

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And then Jesus told me not to drink…

Oh hey fellow Prius Drivers! How was your morning commute in the f’n snow? Utah always does this. Sunny, nice, capri’s, flip flops and then BLAM-O more snow than in January and February combined. Luckily our vehicle of choice handles pretty well in the snow (especially when it’s not getting plowed into by snow removal vehicles, right, Bianca?).

I made it to work safely in the Prius, but since Algebra took the day off (to be on the radio – again – hard, hard life being a ‘rock star’), he drove me and I was super grateful. Not because the Prius can’t handle the snow, but because my anxiety can’t handle the snow. I had a midterm last night, the first one since sophomore year of college and ever since then, my nerves have been shot.

So. Weekend recap? I’d love to give you one, but I can’t remember much of anything from about 8:30pm on Friday to 8:30 am on Sunday, but here’s what I can remember:

3:00 pm Friday: Took a half day of work and met Algebra and his cousin Stephen (name idea?) at Piper Down for a little mid day drinky-poo (drink of choice, Jack on the rocks baby, started Friday off right).

5:30 pm Friday: Went on a quest with the roomie to find my new fave WHIPPED CREAM VODKA. Quest successful (third liquor store).

{Intermission to shower and get ready for the night}

7:00 pm Friday:  Doorbell starts ringing with all the surprise guests for Algebra’s big 2-9 celebration. Start drinking copious amounts from shot glasses and blue & green polka dot cups (they were the manliest I could find, okay?)

8:00 pm Friday: Surprise limo shows up (GIANT, who knew they made limo’s so big?), pile into limo with the gang (approximately 15 people and 30 bottles of booze).

8:02 pm Friday: More drinking, this time, from the bottle.

8:45 pm Friday: Bianca, Bailey and I start singing sorority songs (all the naughty ones) and taking pulls from various bottles.

9:00 pm Friday: Where are we? Did we make it to Wendover? Zzzzzzz…..

{Intermission for blackness}

4:00 am Saturday: Shower (very necessary after vomiting out of a limo window for upwards of 2 hours.

5:00 am Saturday:  Sleep.

12:30 pm Saturday: Wake for a waxing appointment.

1:30 pm Saturday: Back to sleep.

11:00 pm Saturday: Algebra wakes me up to see if I want to go to his show. YA RIGHT. Back to sleep.

8:00 am Sunday: Where did my weekend go and why does my freaking head still freaking hurt?

Yep. That about sums it up. So hopefully you gals can tell me how much fun you had in Wendover, my snooze in the limo while all the gambling was being had was pretty cozy, I’m not going to lie.

What will you do for beads today?

Sidenote: HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!! What are you girls giving up for lent? Algebra and I are giving up drinking booze. We’ve yet to decide if it’s all alcohol or just liquor (i.e. beer and wine might still be okay.) If you have any questions as to why we made that decision: see above.

 

Me no likey boozy,
Bridget

Sent from my iPad

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Something is wrong with Utah adolescents

Hello ladies!
 
I feel like it has been decades since I have written you a proper email and I apologize. I have been recovering from February which involved way too many activities. I went from the Dew Tour at Snowbasin to being thrown into work. It has been traumatizing (not really, just going from working at home 5 hours a week to 20 hours in an “office” is a little trying.)
 
But really let’s back track. Dew Tour. I have never felt so looked up to by 13-18 year old boys in my life. Walking around with a backpack full of Mountain Dew, opening 300+ cans of Dew with my own bleeding fingers (code red, throwback, voltage, you name it I opened it). Gaggles of boys were seeing how many mini cups of Dew they could chug. They would say things like “he drank 75 of these last year,” like I should be impressed. Please. If it was a shot of vodka it would be a different story. Another part of the job was putting decals on helmets, snowboards, cell phones, etc. Parents would ask me what kind of training I had to put on stickers, because I was so good at it. It was really quite an accomplishment. After 4 days and $600 I still don’t know if it was worth it. My nails still haven’t grown back. And for some reason I feel like this had to be the most annoying stop of the Tour. Something is wrong with Utah adolecents.
 
Anyways on a completely different, yet still irritating Utah subject …how ‘bout Brandon Davies? If you live in Utah, let alone anywhere in America and haven’t heard about this you may live under a rock. The BYU mega-basketball star who was suspended for having premarital sex. How many other of the non-LDS players do you think are sitting there quivering in their boxer briefs that they are going to be outted, too? We all went to college, we all know they get play on and off the court. Everyone who goes to BYU is NOT a perfect little Mormon. But also who is the chick (his “girlfriend”?) who spilt the beans? I mean either way I guess he knew what he was signing up for when he went to that institution, no harsh words, but still I have to feel sorry for the kid.
 
I guess all in all I have to feel sorry for our state’s reputation. You never hear about the cool things that are happening here on the national news, only the weird shit. Sister wives, BYU, state guns…. we need a state image revamp and pronto. I’m sick of being in another city and someone mocking me for where I live. I mean yes they are ignorant, but still it’s because they probably don’t hear anything else. I mean I love living here and hate the remarks,  so why sit around. I think we should start the campaign.  Who’s up for it?
 
Making my top ten reasons I ❤ SL,UT,
Bailey

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Slow Day, I mean Snow Day.

Dear Jerks,

I’m sorry. That was rude. I’m just jealous that you two are skiing in Park City while I’m sick at home.

While you two are having a powder day, I am doing this:

That would be me forcing Snowball to pose for awkward photos against his will. And yes, it was the most exciting part of my day.

Although I am incredibly jealous of you guys up on the slopes, I can’t complain. It’s been a nice day of working on my almost-done deadline from my couch while I watch crime shows and nurse my mild illness. But I have to be honest with you, on days like today it’s hard to come up with an entire e-mail’s worth of words (especially witty ones).

So far today, I thought it was February when I looked at the calendar, the cable guy accidentally came to my house instead of the house next door, I ate some cool whip like it was ice cream and seriously eyed the vodka (I resisted, unfortunately).

Later on I’m going to take QDW some soup because she has a debilitating kidney infection (what do you tell people when something like that happens to you… I mean there is only one way to get one of those, right?), Zumba it up, and watch Modern Family which will be the cherry on top of my day (I’m not being sarcastic, I seriously love that show).

Slippy, Slappy, Swenson, Swanson… Samsonite! I was way off!,
Bianca

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Engaged or Enraged? Which are you this holiday season?

Bianca and Bridget,

I am going to start off this email by saying if you are going to get engaged or break-up with your significant others before the end of this month, I don’t think we can be friends. I don’t know what it is about 2010, but I didn’t know I had this many friends who I thought were even capable of getting married and/or breaking-up in general.

I mean, 2010 was the year of sorority friends all over to get married. Is it because we are now 25+? Must be because 7 girls got engaged this year. Luckily I think I only have to go to FOUR weddings next summer, all of them being out of state or the f-ing country. I can’t wait and am SO happy for these girls, but I just don’t understand how one is supposed to fund all this. Dress for the wedding, wedding present, bachelorette, flight, hotel, blah blah blah…I need a Xanax just thinking about it. I mean for real though, where the F was my memo that in my mid-20’s I would need a few grand to spend jetting off to these occasions? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be great at the wedding and have the time of my life. I’m a conservative dancer, social drinker, can talk to anyone…just a little frazzled.  Hopefully I have this whole procedure down before you two take the leap, I honestly am going track each itinerary to make sure I find the best method. I will be a pro. Promise.

On the other hand, all the single ladies. It is rare you will find girls our age have a big single girl posse. Well ladies and gentleman, I feel one forming. Who would want to break-up right at Christmas? Well it seems like half the girls I hang out with. Is it like the itch to just be free? Maybe it’s just the reaction of their significant other not wanted to take the plunge. Either way, I’m not complaining I think it’s fun when there is a big girl posse to roll with, but it is also scary if comes along an eligible bachelor. Take cover…some of these girls are frisky.

Not only are my friends going through this cycle of either tying the knot or kicking their partner in the curb, but celebrities too. They are just like us! This week alone Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johanson & Zach Ephron/Vanessa Hudgens called it quits while Nicole Riche/Joel Madden (her dress was AMAZING) & Hulk Hogan/his random blonde slut of the month (their wedding got interrupted by a BEACH BRAWL?) got hitched! I have to say I am quite pleased with all the happenings – minus the Hulk I could honestly care less about him.

Anyway my unmarried but in a committed relationship but still can go out and have fun friends, that is that. In all honesty, if one more of my friends gets engaged and decides to have a wedding next year b/t Memorial Weekend and Labor Day I am going to have to become a hooker.

Off to David’s Bridal,
Bailey

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Who me? Couldn’t be. Then who, in the canoe?!

Bianca and Bailey-

It’s official. I’m getting in the Christmas spirit. After making gingerbread houses with my students yesterday, wrapping Christmas presents (making a HUGE mess) and then our annual holiday girl’s dinner – I can’t help but have a jolly perspective on life. Maybe that’s just all the wine that comes with the holidays, but in any event, MERRY MERRY!

Our girls’ dinner last night was fantastic. Minus the choice in
restaurants (seriously, the Olive Garden?!) it was a hilarious and wonderful evening with all the drama free (What’s happening to us?!) DramaWhores. I have weird social anxiety when I get around a group of people I know too well (or don’t know at all – so pretty much always) so to make sure I’d be “comfortable” at the dinner I was sure to down a mammoth glass of vino before we left the house, and although I felt nice and toasty throughout all of dinner, I must say, I don’t think I needed the liquid Xanax. Everyone was happy, nice, funny and wonderful.

It was great to catch up with everyone – some that I hadn’t seen in months – and chit chat about our lives, what’s going on, who’s dating who and (yikes) how we are all connected. It might sound like a sweet little subject line for an email, but nay, this connection is far more illicit. We are all connected by the people on Greek Row that we managed to *hook up with.

With all of us around a table, bottles of wine and the volume of our voices cranked to the max – it all came out. All the connections at the table were CRAZY and even a few lasses were caught in lies! HILARIOUS!

Bianca, you were by far the queen of the Alpha’s. And that one Sigma Pi (or was he an Alpha? Or both?) had managed to lock lips with 80 percent of the table, amazing! Also, I’d just like to throw out that the number of hook ups that you two share (especially for being related) is nothing other than magical. There’s really got to be some sort of special incest at play here: frat brothers with cousins, real brothers with sorority sisters, cousins and sorority sisters sharing real and frat brothers… Oh my!

My other favorite part of the night is when hook-up locations, people and events were all muddled (surely from the amount of brain cells we killed during college). “Wait. Was it you in the canoe?” “I think I was in a sailboat.” “But who was in the lawn chair?” “Which coast were we on?” “He said he remembers some sort of floatation device…” Et cetera.

Sigh. College was fun and hilarious. And the only thing that could possibly be more fun is re-hashing each event, detail by detail, years later with the greatest friends in the world. I love us.

Feeling lucky to have such wonderful DramaWhores as friends,
Bridget

*Hook up: Think the junior high definition of make out, not the porn version of God only knows what you’re thinking, pervs. (Although I’m not going to lie, the hook-up umbrella emcompasses all kinds.)

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This Week’s Links We <3

The 10 Most Depressing jobs in America (and yes, of course Bridget’s job is on there). – Gawker

Perez said it right… Icky Icky Poo Poo. – Perez

Yes! Our state finally famous for something other than Mormo’s. We’re also NUMBER ONE in the nation for porn subscriptions! Correlation? Maybe… – Desert News

With Urban Meyer stepping down as coach of Florida and the Denver Bronco’s coach being fired… it’s only a matter of time before Urban and Lord & Savior Tim Tebow share a warm embrace. – Sports Pickle

Seven year old product of the Westboro “church” spewing hate. Disgusting. Yes, these are the people who protested Elizabeth Edward’s funeral. Sick sick sick. – ABC News

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