Tag Archives: MC Hammer

Broke as a joke – except it’s not funny.

Hi Girls,
I’m broke. I apologize for the lack of pleasantries but I’m just being honest. I don’t have any money. I’d like to blame it on Summer activities but you know I will say the same thing in the Fall – “Oh how my wallet suffers when the leaves change”…”I need boots so I can’t meet you for free TV watching on account of a lack of gas in my car”. 
I make a comfortable living appropriate for a twenty-middleian. Comfortable enough that I should be able to pay for rent, bills and a car and still have some room for savings and spending money. But it feels like I pay the first two and then I’m significantly out of funds. 
This could be (is) attributed to Wells Fargo and the monster it has created – myself. Have you heard of “direct deposit advance”? If you haven’t, pretend like you didn’t hear this because it will ruin your life, too.
As a checking account owner at WF you are entitled to an advance on your pay check. Up to $1000 a month. It’s like a credit card, but with impossibly high interest rates – I’m talking 20 – 30%. The difference between this and a credit card is that it is immediately taken out of your paycheck as it is deposited so you don’t have to worry about paying it off. It’s relatively worry free on the surface.

What Direct Deposit Advance Feels like

 Lets just say I have taken advantage of it. Instead of using it as a necessary bail out, it’s become my shopping fund. After doing the math of what this will cost me at the end of the year if I use it consistently each paycheck ($2,400) I’ve tried to limit my use of this horrible crutch. 


You might think I have been eating out less or cutting back on Whole Foods’ ridiculousness (why is it so expensive?!), but no. I’ve become a delusional entitled idiot.
Yesterday I got a strange looking piece of mail with pull tabs on each side. Instead of assuming it was an ad like a normal person would I assumed – no, knew it was a check. A big fat check for me from somebody who owed me money. Why would anybody just give me money? Irrelevant. It was a check for a million dollars because, duh. What else would it be? I am Princess Bianca and people just send me money because I am a good person and karmically I deserve this.
I’m not kidding, I seriously thought it was a check.
Imagine my disappointment when I saw it was a coupon for auto insurance. What the hell is wrong with me?! Obviously nobody is sending me any money. I’m not part of a law suit, I don’t have a mystery inheritance and I declined the Nigerian Prince on his promising investment opportunity.
If I’m banking on the fact that my financial problems will be resolved by random checks in the mail, I need help. Help me.
Other than financial ruin, I am absolutely loving the late Summer. I can’t wait to spend money with you two tonight biking and drinking about town.
Mo Money Mo Problems (psh… yeah right),


Filed under Bianca