Category Archives: Bailey

Engaged or Enraged? Which are you this holiday season?

Bianca and Bridget,

I am going to start off this email by saying if you are going to get engaged or break-up with your significant others before the end of this month, I don’t think we can be friends. I don’t know what it is about 2010, but I didn’t know I had this many friends who I thought were even capable of getting married and/or breaking-up in general.

I mean, 2010 was the year of sorority friends all over to get married. Is it because we are now 25+? Must be because 7 girls got engaged this year. Luckily I think I only have to go to FOUR weddings next summer, all of them being out of state or the f-ing country. I can’t wait and am SO happy for these girls, but I just don’t understand how one is supposed to fund all this. Dress for the wedding, wedding present, bachelorette, flight, hotel, blah blah blah…I need a Xanax just thinking about it. I mean for real though, where the F was my memo that in my mid-20’s I would need a few grand to spend jetting off to these occasions? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be great at the wedding and have the time of my life. I’m a conservative dancer, social drinker, can talk to anyone…just a little frazzled.  Hopefully I have this whole procedure down before you two take the leap, I honestly am going track each itinerary to make sure I find the best method. I will be a pro. Promise.

On the other hand, all the single ladies. It is rare you will find girls our age have a big single girl posse. Well ladies and gentleman, I feel one forming. Who would want to break-up right at Christmas? Well it seems like half the girls I hang out with. Is it like the itch to just be free? Maybe it’s just the reaction of their significant other not wanted to take the plunge. Either way, I’m not complaining I think it’s fun when there is a big girl posse to roll with, but it is also scary if comes along an eligible bachelor. Take cover…some of these girls are frisky.

Not only are my friends going through this cycle of either tying the knot or kicking their partner in the curb, but celebrities too. They are just like us! This week alone Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johanson & Zach Ephron/Vanessa Hudgens called it quits while Nicole Riche/Joel Madden (her dress was AMAZING) & Hulk Hogan/his random blonde slut of the month (their wedding got interrupted by a BEACH BRAWL?) got hitched! I have to say I am quite pleased with all the happenings – minus the Hulk I could honestly care less about him.

Anyway my unmarried but in a committed relationship but still can go out and have fun friends, that is that. In all honesty, if one more of my friends gets engaged and decides to have a wedding next year b/t Memorial Weekend and Labor Day I am going to have to become a hooker.

Off to David’s Bridal,


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Dancing with the mediocre for the sake of booze

Dearest Bianca and Bridget,

Geez I feel like it’s been an eternity since our last email ladies. I wonder why? Oh I remember I have been drunk since last Thursday. Well I’m glad to say I am still recovering. I had been doing so well not going on 5-day benders since I left Manhattan. I guess what they say is true, “you can take the girl out of the apple (martini), but you can’t take the apple (martini) out of the girl.”

The bender kicked off Thursday at the Utah AIDS Foundation Red Party hosted at Hotel Monaco. Oh sheesh. Who knew the straight girls would be the ones having the time of their lives. Thinking back the only straight men in the house were the bartenders, 2+2=4. Best moment of the night was when I won two VIP floor tickets to Lady Gaga. After two minutes of jumping up and down, hugging everyone around me, posing for pictures – I found out I didn’t actually win. Woopsie, I guess after five drinks I develop dyslexia.

Fast forward to Saturday – Vegas! I honestly need to thank you ladies for helping me make my comeback to Las Vegas after not partying there for 3 years. You truly taught me the lay of the land. Mini bottles & dancing in circles. Mini bottles are a sure way you won’t need to spend $15 on a drink, but only $5 on a chaser. Dancing in circles is a sure way you will get an $84 round of shots bought for you a ‘Situation’ look-a-like. We did our fare share of dancing on tables, I mean who knew in Vegas snapping and clapping dance moves would be so hot.

Bianca, I’m so sorry you got assaulted. Who knew the assault train was coming to town Saturday night? I hope the hair grows back on the patch she pulled out. My only regret of that situation is not catching any of it on camera. The chase through Mandalay Bay, falling down the stairs to the capture of your attacker and the security smothering the crazy with a plastic bag over the head. I think I was literally in shock. I did talk some pretty serious shit though that I’m proud of, just can’t remember the details due to my blood/alcohol level.

And Bridget, I’m so sorry you got “roofied.” I know it’s hard to say no when your new New York bestie wants to take four shots in a row. I’m just happy you made it to bed safe, and didn’t die in your sleep even though we laid you on your right side. Note to anyone putting their wasted, potentially ralphing friend to bed: lay them on the LEFT side (thank you, Wikipedia).

Now Bailey, (I feel like I need a message) I’m so sorry your standards are so high when trying to get free drinks. Please learn how to suck it up for an hour to dance with and talk to mediocre (being generous) dudes for the sake of booze.

All in all ladies, the trip was a success! In preparation for the next round I have started practicing my “eyes” to strike at dudes from afar to lure them shamelessly over. Additionally I feel like I need to get my feet prepped so they aren’t swollen for 3 days after, like this time. Preferably with treatments from my (pretty sure everyone’s) new obsession LUSH. If everything goes my way, there will be a location near you in 2011.

*This is literally how I felt watching the horror of Bridget and Bianca. Minus the German.

;**; {twinkling eyes},


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ER & Creepy Siblings Rounding Out My Day

Hey girls,

Sorry I have been MIA to the max, but I have been nursing Miss Art back to health in the EMERGENCY ROOM! A small little flu shot turned into full blown 22 hours for the poor dear in the ER. Happy to say she (and I) have returned to our respective beds.

So being there for hours, trust me I drank my fair share of coffee and watched my fair share of TV which is why I sit here thinking about a creepy Folgers commercial I need to get off my chest. Review and let me know what you think…I can dive into the explanation of creepiness if need be.

Dreaming about all things non-medical & un-instestual,


Filed under Bailey

Oprah Does What Oprah Wants

Bianca & Bridget,
Happy Thanksgiving-eve! I have taken the liberty of taking the week “off” and not feeling guilty about chilling out and doing nothing.  Plus with the “Blizzard of 2010” I had no choice to do nothing yesterday, but sit around and wait for it.  By the way I’m still waiting. So while I have been catching up on my television and can’t help but notice the ridiculous Black Friday commercials. I mean is it really necessary to open the store at 3am? The only way you’ll find me at one of those sales is if I’m on my way home from the bar, drunk and we think it’s hilarious. I don’t need an $80 coffee maker for $9.99….or do I?
This brings me to the next present topic of the day.  Oprah’s Favorite Things. Every year, millions of women, ages 25-50 anticipate this episode.  Well this year she did two one last Friday and Monday.  I mean why not? It’s her last year, Oprah does what Oprah wants. On this year’s lists: sparkly Uggs, iPad, Nixon camera, $500 to Nordstroms, I mean the list goes on and on until a brand new Beetle’s silhouette is unveiled. If you are in to the above items mentioned above you can check them out here (trust me I already read and reread, it’s all pretty great). Conan has his own spoof of what happened here.  The women in the audience were literally crying like they won the lottery, and Oprah was dancing and “wooping” per usual throughout the whole show. I mean I’m sure I’d be super excited too, who doesn’t want free shit, but probably not for over 5 minutes. Maybe it’s a pre-req to be in the audience, or maybe the producers just slip some Lexapro into the water.  
Anyway it got me thinking, what would I freak out about that much if I won. If you were asking me 10 years ago, it would be to meet Justin Timberlake and for the VW Beettle.  Asking myself now it takes a minute to think what my ultimate gift would be. What I came up with would be one year, expenses paid to travel the world. I don’t need luxe accommodations and would fully go alone, just the generic around the world trip for one – is that so much to ask? I’m glad I made it through the Oprah Show not slitting my wrists of jealousy, and I hope you did too. 
Well I’ll be sitting here now plotting how I can make my dream of traveling the world happen without blackmailing Oprah…


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Do you hear what I hear?… Yes, and it’s giving me a headache.

Bridget, New Year’s resolution talk already? Thanksgiving is barely approaching. Why does Christmas come earlier every year? I feel like everyone used to say it, but now I really realize it. A majority of stores have already decked the halls with Christmas decorations, music playing, the works. I mean the Today Show already has their Holiday Guide up, full of Christmas segments and more.

I understand it from the retail standpoint; if the holiday shopping season lasts longer there is a good chance people will buy more, but remember the feeling of after Thanksgiving and the rush of the Christmas decor? Hmph, I want to be a Scrooge until after Thanksgiving; however, I too have fallen into this black hole of Christmas in November. I, as a consumer, have been tricked. I already have hung up in my closet about 90% of my presents from my parents and Santa. My mom said I have to give it back on December 20th to wrap it, but am I going to be bummed when I already know everything I’m opening? I feel as you get older it’s not as big of a deal, but still. On the other hand, what’s the point in picking out jackets and clothes that I need right now and having it sit in my mom’s closet until December to open up – right? I need my new leather jacket from Nordstrom’s half yearly sale NOW.

Well anyway, I need some good meaningful yet thrifty (remember there’s no incoming money for this girl right now) gift ideas. One year it was letter mugs from Anthropologie, the past three years was easy peasy hitting up street vendors in New York – pashminas, jewelry, random Buddhas and other artifacts from Canal – so what is this year? I was thinking about printing pictures and framing them, um…that’s all I got so far.  Ideas for small, meaningful presents to give to my friends who I don’t see so often but still want to give a little token.

Ugh! Why does so much stress come with the holidays, no wonder people drink so much. You want to know what I’ll be drinking (Bianca, I’m making you try it and you will LOVE it) is a Warm Winter Margarita. Tequila is fabulous all year round and the highest sale of tequila is around the holiday’s so not be one with the trend.

Ingredients – Serves 4:
3 ½ cups apple juice
1 cinnamon stick
2 cups dried fruit of your choice
2 tbs granulated sugar
4 shot glasses silver tequila – Sauza is affordable and delish in this
Combine apple juice and cinnamon in a heavy pot. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove cinnamon stick carefully. Add sugar, dried fruit, and tequila. Mix well. Serve warm.
Enjoy ladies and I promise you’ll LOVE it!

I’m thinking about booze and it’s 10am, but it’s GOTTA be 5 o’clock somewhere (and it is, in London, so there),


Filed under Bailey

SWF Seeks PR Job: work from bed, drinks anytime & unlimited vacation a must

Bianca and Bridget,

Greetings from my bed. It’s 2pm and I’m feeling semi-depressed about not having anything what-so-ever to accomplish today until 7pm when I go to my workout class. <Insert tear here.> In other words, I need to start seriously looking for a job. I thought it would feel great not working for at least 2 months after slaving away for 11-12 hours a day for the last 3 years… but I was wrong. I miss slave labor.

So ladies, it’s week eight of being unemployed and now it’s time for Bailey to become an employed publicist once again. So far the little effort I have put into this has produced little results. I know there are great PR jobs in this place and my first tactic was to stalk the companies that I would love to work for. However it’s amazing how rude and unprofessional people in the workforce can be. Case in point – someone telling me that “You’ve got the job!”…fast forward a month later, I am *67ing their cell phones in order to get an answer.  Lady, I don’t give a damn if I don’t have the job, just find the balls to tell me that in some fashion (any fashion), which I have given her multiple chances over email and phone and morris code and smoke signals…

Now that I am ready to get back in to the habit of working long hours and living for my weekends, how do I go about this search? Employed friends, I need help. I am constantly, looking on, Craigslist, EVEN Facebook, but really. How do I find this dream job that I know exists? I want to work in an industry I’m passionate about (which is many many things), for a company I believe in (which is obvious, I’m not looking to go work for George Sr.), with nice people (who return phone calls) and in a fun environment (office happy hour preferred) – is that so much to ask?

I’d love to set up an interview and look forward to showing you how I can be an asset to your posse,


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One man’s flannel, another girl’s couture.

Hola Bianca & Bridget,
How are you hanging in there this week? Hope there is not post-vacation depression happening.  I have been better.  I have a head cold and just feel extremely out of it all day. So far this winter transition isn’t my friend and it hasn’t even gotten bad yet. 
One rough spot for me this season is my wardrobe.  It’s like an inkling of cold has arrived and I completely forgot how to dress appropriately.  Yes, it gets cold in New York, however you just dress warmer – it doesn’t fully change your wardrobe.   For work I wore the same outfits as always just with tights and a cardigan, going out was pretty much the same but with a coat.  Not here…people fully embrace it almost as if it’s a theme for their wardrobe. It’s like a 10-piece outfit here, I can’t keep up.
Example: I went to Ikea this week with my biz cas attire so I looked like I was on my lunch break (probably didn’t help that I did have lunch there. Swedish meatballs I don’t recommend) while my girlfriends looked casual cozy (flannel, leggings, boots, probably a pull over Patagonia, I don’t know). 
I was jealous to say the least and the best part about it is you can get away with it – winter patterns, more wool, Sorrels, bulky cardigans, more Patagonia – you get my drift.  If I wore something like that to work or out in New York, my coworkers and friends would without a doubt be making fun of me all day.  I mean my old born and raised in the Bronx coworker saw a picture of me hiking and asked why I was pretending to be “all outdoorsy and hiking and shit”. I want to be casual-cabin-cozy-Utah with a twist and I am excited to do so. So watch out, Wasatch Front. I’m here,  in my brassiere, and I have no fear (when it comes to fashion. Otherwise that whole brassiere thing is totally out of context).
I guess I’m on this fashion tangent becuase I’m stuck in my bed in my freezing house, and thinking about sorrels and patagonias are making me feel warm. Also, the bulkier my clothes and stretchier my leggings, the more excuse I have to skip the gym.  
Freezing while laying in a bed of tissues,


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