First of all, CALL OFF THE SEARCH PARTY! I’m alive! Are you guys? What the hell is going on? I miss my friends. Tonight we’re meeting at Bianca’s posh, new condo for some girl chat and if we feel up to walking up the street, Algebra’s band is playing at Urban Lounge. Mostly, I just need to see you guys. I’m coming over as soon as I get out of class. Good? Good.
I’m just going to jump right in here because frankly I can’t think about anything else right now. So I don’t know about you girls, but I thought I was the sh*t in high school (I don’t know that I really was THE sh*t, but I believed it). Truly. I had a constant drip of self esteem oozing out of my ears, trailing off at the base of my too short cheerleading skirt.
Even since high school graduation (June 2004, wtf), I feel like my self esteem as been trailing off. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an only child and AM God’s gift to this earth, but still, not the same zazazoo I had at 16.
In order to recapture that same zazazoo or whatever, I’ve been trying to do some of the things that I was oh so passionate about as an adolescent. It hasn’t gone so well.
Exercising: Between the ages of 15-18 I was a high school cheerleader on a competitive squad (roll your eyes all you want, but bitches, we took Nationals). This would mean we had a class in high school (yes, you took math, I took cheer), early morning practices, late night Wednesday practices and football/basketball/whatever games 1-2 times a week. All during those times I was jumping around, tumbling, stunting, running around in the boys locker room and painting banners. Then, at 9:00 every night my friend and I would go to the gym and work out (and then repeat again at 5:00am practice the next morning). I burned at least one hundred thousand calories a day. Now, at 25 with a job and grad school, how in the hell am I supposed to burn that many calories? I’m doing the best I can. I’ve started leaving my treadmill in running mode (not clothes storing mode) and I’ve traded in my desk chair for an exercise ball. On to the next one…
Food: This isn’t even fair. I ate like crap until I graduated from college. If I tried eating like I did when I was a teen not only would I gain 40 pounds, but I’d probably drop dead of a heart attack. God, I hate my decade younger self.
Tanning: I loved me some UV rays in those younger days. I would go to two different tanning salons so I could go twice a day (because of that pesky 24 hour rule). Seriously. How am I not all wrinkly and covered in cancerous moles? In any event, this week I traded in my usual versa spa fake tan for some UV fake tan. (DRUM ROLL PLEASE….) I’m the color of a freaking tomato.
So. My quest to reclaim my former self esteem isn’t going so well, but maybe I’m on the right track. Maybe a little more putting me and the things I like to do first and everything else second will prove to be a nice little change for a bit.
Gym, tanning, cheerleading, boys,