Unruly children and other forms of birth control.

Hello Gals,
 
Bridget, in response to your e-mail yesterday about being young and fabulous yet somehow baby hungry, I would like you to watch this video and remember why we are in fact twenty-middle and single:   
 

Many thanks to Bailey for showing me and letting me hijack this video as my own.
 
I am not baby hungry. In fact, I am quite the opposite.
 
While waiting for a table at a Sushi restaurant the other night I was jumped by two unruly children. The girl who was about six years-old not only had a cold consisting of bleeding lips and green snot but was also seriously angry at her five year-old brother. She used my lap as leverage to kick him in the shoulder and face while she screamed at the top of her lungs. (You know the kind. The shrill, loud, almost high-pitched enough to be a dog whistle kind of scream.) This in turn made the little brother scream in the same pitch and hit her back. Except that she was in my lap and he was five with bad aim so was open-hand smacking me in the face.
 
This went on the entire time I was waiting for a table which means the parents didn’t come to check on their kids or attempt to find them for over 20 minutes.
 
When I was seated I finally found the adults responsible for creating these little monsters. It’s no wonder they couldn’t keep track of their two ill and violent children, they had four more ruthless heathens. I know it’s America and we’re entitled to have whatever kind of family we want (unless you’re gay, of course), but I believe that if you can’t handle the kids you already have, you shouldn’t be having more.
 
It might be Utah that I have the problem with and not the innocent children (whom which most are adorable). This place is as unique as it is sectarian. Most families in other states have smaller more manageable families that I can relate to. Perhaps if I were subject to that more often than the hyper-families of the Beehive State, I might change my tune (and biological clock) a little.
 
With that said, I want to have children of my own some day.

I know that to mothers everywhere I sound like a snobby and pretentious brat. And in all likelihood when I am a mother, I will read a blog from a twenty something who is cursing unruly children and think that she is a snobby and pretentious brat, too.
 
Two things I’ve heard about mother hood that I can actually agree with: 1: You don’t understand until you’re a mother and 2: The only children you can tolerate are your own. Because of those two truths, I am looking forward to motherhood and having a happy little family. 
 
I also have two truths of my own: 1: I’m not ready for kids yet and 2: I’m not bringing my kids to a sushi restaurant until they’re old enough use chopsticks.
 
Thankful Snowball doesn’t need daycare,
Bianca

Photo courtesy of Jill Greenberg: End of Times, “Trillions”
Video courtesy of  Emma Melissa Ryan
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13 Comments

Filed under Bianca

13 responses to “Unruly children and other forms of birth control.

  1. t2ed

    At breakfast once and they had a placard with an offer for kids to eat free for dinner. Then in teeny, tiny print it said “limit 4 children per family.”

    Only in Utah.

    • Red bull = Good while Tea = Bad…Only in Utah.
      No booze after 10 pm… Only in Utah.
      Average marriage age = 21… Only in Utah.
      Average Children per family = 3.57… Only in Utah.
      The ability to carry firearms on college campuses… Only in (the University of) Utah.
      Names like Udell, LaVelle and Ephraim… Only in Utah.

      I love it, “Only in Utah” is my new response to everything!

      -Bianca

  2. Ad for justifiable infanticide as well. But a scary thing would occur here in Miami. Children and Families would confiscate the child and place him in foster care while allowing only supervised visitation for two hours a week with dad. This would be mandated at several court hearings(at dad’s expense of course).Then dad would have to take parenting classes, anger control and conflict resolution classes for one year(at his expense of course). He would face psych eval and would attend weekly therapy sessions with psychologist(at his expense of course). Non compliance would mean incarceration.Foster care would be with kids of a different race and language with an alcoholic foster parent who gets monthly stipend for him and 20 other misfits. My two were never that bad but I did change their names to Suspect #1 and Suspect #2.

  3. justmarriedgirl

    This is what really scares me. I am pregnant, and I cannot tolerate poorly behaved children. And they’re everywhere. While my husband cannot hear the kind of screaming you describe, it leaves me twitching.

    Alas, I’ll just have to hope that I’ll know how to deal with it when my own child acts out in public. All I can just make a blanket apology to all the world for my future child’s temper tantrum and try and wait out the storm!

    But seriously, the kids you’re describing seem especially awful. I don’t think they’re all like that. Right???!!!

    • They can’t all be that bad. The kid was literally smacking me in the face.

      You’re going to be a great mama. Esp since you’re already worried about your future child’s behavior and s/he’s not even born yet!

      Just don’t have 6, OK? And if you do, only bring a couple of them when you go out for sushi. 😉

      xoxo
      -Bianca

  4. Cordelia

    My personal forms of birth control (other than actual birth control) are watching “Super Nanny” and “The Middle.” Although “The Middle” is more “I would never want to put myself through a life like this, which is hilarious to watch but absolutely terrifying to think of living in.” While “Super Nanny” is more “If I were to ever have children, this is everything I would NOT do as a parent.”

    Although I personally have no desire to ever be a mommy, I can totally appreciate your resolve to do things differently when you become a parent. I completely agree that you can’t understand what it’s like to deal with children until you actually have them, but that doesn’t mean that plenty of parents aren’t doing things horribly, horribly badly.

    (Yes, I’m talking to you, woman in Target who slowly browsed the clothing racks while her two year old screamed like a holy terror literally nonstop. Just because you can Zen-ly tune him out and casually peruse the racks with an oblivious smile on your face (good for you!), does not mean that the rest of enjoy hearing your toddler shriek manically while we try to decide if we want that sweater-tunic thing or not.) *Le sigh.*

    ~Cordelia

  5. You know what? Next time I have a dude in my bedroom complaining that he ‘doesn’t like to wear a condom’ (thankfully this has only ever happened once, and he didn’t get invited back) I’m going to make him sit and watch this ad.

  6. OH SO TYPICAL!!!! And, no Gina, I don’t think this will happen to you.

    But this is a classical case (yes, I’m a dr) of parents making us non-parents pay the price for them having unprotected sex.

    Hrmph. It wasn’t my fault you didn’t cover the stump before you humped, mmk?! So get that little rat out of my face.

    I’ve used this argument on Fatso many-a-time, when his daughter is tormenting me, running down the hallway and taping up signs at my office. She is 12.

    -L

  7. OMG! There it is, the video! It did the trick for me too. No mo baby.
    -Gizzy

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