I’m putting my phone on Silent night

Bianca and Bailey-

Word to Tuesday my friends. In unexpected news Algebra bought me a puppy for part of my Christmas gift. The little bugger’s name is Wiener. Yes, he is a mini dachshund (I had to google it to spell it correctly). And yes, he is completely running my life. Ladies, I’m being controlled by a 2.3 pound pup, but he’s just cute enough that I’m okay with it – for the next few weeks anyway.

Today marks 1/2 day more of work and the start of all the family Christmas drama! Who’s ready for it? You? You? Nope. Me either. I’m already ready for a holiday cocktail (and by holiday cocktail I don’t mean something festive, I mean something strong, dark and in a glass with or without ice).

In Santa’s little bag of goodies it looks like there is a heap of dramatic communication from all fronts. And team, it isn’t even Christmas Eve yet. I’ve received emails, texts, phone calls and smoke signals telling me how disappointed everyone is with me or someone and how I should deal with it (“Deal with it” See: Drink suggestion above).

Actual texts I’ve received from family members:

– Oh, you’re not going to make it out before Christmas? I guess that’s okay. (Dude, Christmas is in four days and correction, you’ll see me Christmas eve.)

– Algebra got you a puppy? Isn’t that what married people do? (What, anus? No. I don’t know what married people do, but I’m pretty sure single people have gotten puppy gifts before. Ps: Jealous no one bought you something to pee on your carpet and bite your toes with razor-sharp teeth? I’m sorry.)

– Cool. I guess we’ll see you on Christmas. (Not if you keep up that attitude.)

– Great seeing you, you look a lot skinnier than a few Christmases ago. (Seriously?)

 – What? You don’t want to stay the night in a new place with a new puppy? But you promised weeks ago. (You want puppy pee on your carpet? Cool, we’ll sleep over.)

– Guess what {delinquent cousin} did! Don’t you think you can talk to them about it? (Family gossip. Just say no.)

– Has Algebra wrapped a string around your finger for measurements? (Ew. No. And who does that anyway?)

{Sigh.} One good thing about getting older is that I have to be present for only the family drama that I choose to (and that’s a present in itself). Also, knowing that Christmas always ends with a trip to Piper Down for “therapy” with friends makes it all worth it.

Looking forward to Christmas after all,
Bridget

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8 Comments

Filed under Bridget, Uncategorized

8 responses to “I’m putting my phone on Silent night

  1. so, have you lost weight or what?
    it seriously baffles me when family members dont quite understand backhanded compliments.

  2. #1 CUTEST PUPPY EVER!!
    #2 You crack me up.
    #3 Christmas with family blows, I feel your pain girlfriend, I have found that making the same remarks back/something slightly ruder stops them all together. For example, you look skinnier than a few Christmases ago. I would say, “Oh really? You don’t.” End scene. Bahaa
    -Gizzy

  3. Hm….I don’t spend the holidays with my family. So this is all news to me 🙂

    -L

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