Breaking News: Ben Roethlisberger replaced by well endowed silver fox.

Good morning girls!

Bailey, I’m sorry to hear that your little effort in finding a job has produced little results. The good news is, that means when you put in major effort, it will produce major results (it’s science). I know that you’ll find the perfect job that rewards procrastination and has unlimited vacation and a vending machine that serves vodka.

Well it’s that time of year again, ladies! Preston and I get to choose our new free pass! Here’s how it works… Once a year, we get to choose a “free-pass” or FP as I like to call it. (An FP is a celebrity we would be allowed to sleep with in the unlikely event we ever got the chance. It is not considered cheating.) Once you choose your FP, they are your FP for a whole year. You can NOT change your FP once it has been chosen.

For example: My free pass right now is Ben Roethlisberger. I chose him before he became a creepy raper, but I was locked in to my decision. Well we are approaching 12/1, my friends, and I am looking forward to my upgrade.

I know what you’re thinking… Brad Pitt, Josh Duhammel, Mickey Rourke, but you’re wrong. This is a strategic game. Preston is a sucker and chooses people like Marisa Miller (please) year after year. Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend is a catch. A perfect 10 in my eyes. But in what universe is he going to meet, charm, and bed a Victoria’s Secret model?! Do you know how easy it would be for me to hook up with Ben Roethisberger? Choose a gas station in Pittsburgh. Done.

I’m pretty sure Preston has locked in Katy Perry this year (she’s married. Fail #1). But I commend him for choosing a brunette this year, a surprising change. But now it’s my turn. I’ve been on this older man kick lately, and I’m having a hard time getting away from it. For example, how hot is Liam Neeson? (Disclaimer: I may or may not be attracted to him because of an article I read about well-endowed hollywood men. He was #1, followed by Colin Farrell.) Also, Clooney. But read: duh. However, stronger than my love for the silver fox is my love for the hilarious. So my list as it reads today is as follows:

#1: Andy Samberg
#2: Jimmy Fallon
#3: Liam Neeson
#4: Jason Segel
#5: Gerard Butler

Any suggestions? Remember, the goal is to choose a sexy celeb, but also one that could possibly result in boot knocking. If I know you two like I think I do, Bridget will recommend a nerdy foreigner and Bailey will recommend a ridiculously good looking hipster.

I’d say something like, McDreamy, but that pun has already been taken. Thanks, Grey’s Anatomy,

-Bianca.

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8 Comments

Filed under Bianca, Uncategorized

8 responses to “Breaking News: Ben Roethlisberger replaced by well endowed silver fox.

  1. Oh Bianca…feedback below

    #1: Andy Samberg – most hipster comedian out there, only dates indie filmmakers! Also our not so favorite Brazilian got hit on him at Sephora a few years ago, we couldn’t be any more opposites. Still a dreamboat and I wish we could change his ways.
    #2: Jimmy Fallon – married!!
    #3: Liam Neeson – his wife just passed away last year, so sad. Unless you wanted to have a full blown relationship, I just don’t think you should do that to him and his kids.
    #4: Jason Segel – Dave, fudge!
    #5: Gerard Butler – No complaints, and I think he’s a man whore. THIS IS THE ONE!

    XO, Bailey

    • Bwahahaha Bailey! You’re definitely right, but I’m pretty sure Andy Samberg would be somewhere on my Top 5 Free Passes as well. Question: Why was Andy Samberg at Sephora?

      Bianca – you know me too well, my number one does happen to be a (quasi) nerdy foreigner… ERIC BANA. Mmmm. I just want to bask in his Aussie accent and good looks (and good locks… he has great hair).

      FYI Algebra’s FP is my total opposite: Lauren Conrad. Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful and everything, but very blonde and not exotic looking. Whenever he sees her he makes some, “my girl” comment. I’ve built up a hatred of LC. Betch.

      Lovin’ your top 5, B!
      Kisses, Bridget

  2. Teri

    Where is this magical vending machine that dispenses vodka? And…since I am in the job market, can I fill out an application pretty please?

    P.S. I am a fan of John Cusack. But I would settle for Gerard Butler. I’ve been known to resort to a man whore in an emergency. 🙂

  3. A: Dearexgirlfriend, you might have found the only sexy picture of AK ever, but I salute the effort to find some local flavor. Also, do you know that he gets a real free pass every year from his wifey? I swear. I heard it from someone who knows someone who knows him.

    B: Teri, A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. If that means slummin’ it with Gerard Butler, so be it! PS: The vodka vending machine exists in my dreams. (I’m not being rhretorical. Literally, I dream about it.)

    C: Bailey, don’t act like you wouldn’t hook up with Andy Samberg! Liar!

    D: Bridget, Eric Bana. You are SO right. He might even be hotter than GB. But not AS.

    xoxo ❤ Bianca.

    • Teri

      No kidding. Now you’ve got me dreaming about it too.. me, John Cusack, Gerard, and a free-flowing Vodka vending machine. Oh the fun I could have. 🙂

      • If we have the same dream does that make it a foursome? Trust, I’m not looking for any illicit action via dream with you, T… I just want to know the implications of my subconscious….

        Hehe,
        Bridget

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