Apples, Chips and Other Valentine’s Objects

Dear Bridget and Bianca,

Oh dear sisters of the sorority variety! I’m missing you here on the other side of the country! I’m so glad I’m able to keep up with your email correspondence, but I’ve been lacking some of my own.

I’ve been neglecting telling this story for awhile, but I think it’s time that the truth comes out. While the two of you were with your respective Valentine’s on Single Awareness Day, my story, was much different.

As I am a single girl in the city of cities (NYC… duh) I planned a Valentine’s to remember… with my other single girls. We started the day, innocent enough, with a delicious brunch. Well. At said brunch, I got a little tipsy. Okay. I got drunk. Fine. I was flat out wasted and dancing (the ONLY one dancing) before noon. Needless to say I was kindly asked to vacate the premises.

I wish the story ended there.

Sadly, that’s just the beginning.

I later woke up in my overpriced Manhattan apartment at 9:00 pm and still don’t remember exactly how I got there. When I arose, I felt sick and rushed the the bathroom. That’s when it happened. A chip (that I don’t remember eating) lodged in the back of my throat and I was sure I was about to choke to death.

Fearing my impending death, I walked to the police station in my neighborhood (I know, holy unbelievable, this is partially why it has taken me so long to tell you both). I was thrust into the back of a police car and taken to the emergency room of the hospital (yes, the hospital, stop laughing b*tches). There, the kind doctors gave me apple sauce and apple juice to dissolve the (could have been) fatal chip.

Thankfully, the next morning I awakened. I could still feel the chip, but had a very clean airway.

I’m writing to tell my story and so you know I’m alive. In case some other chip (or other foreign object) should ever lodge it’s way into my throat, someone will at least know of this story.

I hope this email finds you both safe and sound (and chip free) in SLC!

Loving apples and the Big Apple,


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Filed under Awesome, Drama Whores, Drunk, girls, love, New York City, Proud Moment, That Girl

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