Big Bang or Big Man?

Hey girls,

I email you from a day long 8-4 training. Thank goodness I brought my “off task tools.” Read: iPad, iPhone, iAnything.

Now, I promise not get too deep, but I find myself questioning the existence of a “higher power” a lot lately. I’ve always considered myself an “optimistic agnostic.” Meaning, I’d love it if I found a religion I could believe in, would welcome the existence of a God, but am pretty skeptical.

Let me start out giving you a teeny bit of background information. I grew up going to church and going to a Catholic school. We went to church *most* Sundays until I started comparing myself to Jesus at which point my parents knew I wasn’t getting the message and we stopped. This happened probably around the same time in the bible where Jesus skips from childhood to adulthood (there I go comparing again…).

Anyway, I’ve never been super religious and since about the time I got my driver’s license was very skeptical of all religions.

A few weeks ago Algebra and I watched Curiosity on the Discovery Channel. It was Stephen Hawking explaining why there is no creator (before the big bang, there wasn’t time, there wasn’t anything, so there can’t be a God). It kind of made sense to me, but this is where I always get stuck on my agnostic-ness. How can something come from nothing? If there wasn’t a universe before the Big Bang… what/who created the big bang? Maybe my brain is just not built to understand…

The next thing that has spurred my recent conundrum is karma. I really believe in karma. You get what you give. If you’re a jerk to someone, someone will undoubtedly be a jerk to you (probably when you least need any jerkiness in your life). You hit someone’s car and run, something bad will happen to your car. How does karma exist if there is no higher power? Positive/negative energy just knows where to go? I think not.

And more! What about coincidence?! How does just the right thing/person land in your lap just when you need it most?

I don’t know. Do you good catholics have any advice for me? Algebra is catholic, too, and I’m wondering if I should stop trying to brainwash him and maybe just go with his quasi-religiousness.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to become some crazy religious freak (I don’t know that I can ever except the bible to be the word of God or a lot of other stuff that I’m not going to say at risk of being stoned), but I’d like to know – what is the middle ground? How am I supposed to raise my future children? Am I going to hell for writing this?

Peace be with you,
Bridget